There’s a good possibility that the wife is simply being an extrovert and wants to connect with the person who lives in the same household and help someone who’s far away from home. It is reasonable behavior and sort of cute if you look at it from another perspective. I also understand your point of view and how it can indeed feel like a violation of privacy. So one tip would be feeling compassion towards yourself and the wife. There is no right or wrong in this situation, so it can’t be resolved like that. You are two people having to live under the same roof, trying to understand each others personalities and culture.

Also, I personally get annoyed by things like that when I’m feeling stressed or low on my self-esteem or losing my boundaries again. When I’m relaxed, feel confident and am certain of my own boundaries, I’m much more compassionate and understanding about all the quirks of other people and accept that they are different.

The fact that you are in another country might already put a strain on your individuality. You already need to work more on maintaining who you are and not get lose yourself, and losing yourself is what I recognize as the biggest anxiety factor when someone is overstepping my boundaries. That said, if the boundaries aren’t that clear, then the smallest of things might feel like a huge violation. But that’s me. That’s how I feel, and it might be different for you.

• This reply was modified 11 years, 1 month ago by The Ruminant.

I agree with all the above, except for “there is no right or wrong in this situation”. I live in the US, and the laws pertaining to tennant/landlord behavior is extremely clear in that unless the landlord suspects an imminent threat or danger (like fire), they may not under any other circumstances enter the tennant’s space. So, assuming that it is similar where you live, it might be a good idea to try to approach the landlord on a day or at a time when they have not done so recently… Possibly mentioning something like, “You know, I was thinking about it, and I’m not comfortable with you entering my room for any reason unless you have spoken with me first. If there is an emergency, like a fire or something, of course, but I treasure my privacy and need to feel like my space is my own. I know it may sound silly, and I haven’t mentioned it before just because it doesn’t happen too much, but I’m working through some things in my life and for my own personal reasons I would just appreciate it if my room is not entered.”

That way it’s coming from a place of you and your needs, not that they are doing anything “wrong” (even though I think they might indeed be). One sneaky way to see if someone has been in your room is to pluck a hair from your head and put it across the door frame towards the top when you close the door to leave. Then, if the door is opened (by someone else), the hair will fall and they will not notice but you will notice when you come home and see it’s not where you placed it.