Hi Pixiedust, I am sorry to read about your distress. I feel like we need more information to give any advice or decisions on your situation though..
You said you found that this email was sent after 6 months of being together with him, but not married, right? You’ve talked to him about this girl? Are they still friends? Who is she? Were they friends before, or dating in the past? He very well may not have physically cheated on you with her, but emailed her for a number of other reasons. Also, in all the months after that, you found absolutely no evidence of cheating or suspicious emails?

Have you had any past experiences with mistrust? From a past relationship? Or witnessed any mistrust from a parents relationship, etc? That could be one reason why its hard for you to trust this man. Has there been any evidence at all of cheating, prior to finding that one email?
Your marriage is not fake. I believe humans are complex, and i’m sure he loves and cares for you deeply. No one is perfect, and we all have our own insecurities and ways of handling stress, and I think men do it differently than women.

It seems things were going well and you both have grown, which is great! If you can’t forgive and forget about that one email, sent so long ago, than you need to tell him that you read through his email and talk about it. Communication is almost always a good thing, and should strengthen relationships and create more understanding and security between you two. At least give him a chance to explain what that was about, before making any sudden decisions.

I think you also need to speak up when he says you are over reacting or jealous, instead of just saying “ok, you’re right, i guess i am.” (because we usually dont want conflict or turbulence between us and our significant others). Thats a common thing for us do in relationships…But when you love someone, you want them to express themselves fully and not feel repressed or shot down. I’m sure your husband would want you to express your true feelings… so if you feel you are NOT over reacting, and you truly feel upset, than say it and speak up about it, do it for yourself, and hopefully the relationship will benefit from it also.
Hope any of my words have helped at all, and if not, I hope you find clarity and peace soon!

Dear pixiedust:

I think it is better that you do check again on his email activity/ anything available to you so to find out more, if there is more of that, or worse. If you can control yourself enough to wait a few days, it is a very good idea to check more during the time before you talk to him. Sure it will hurt to find out more, but it already hurts. Like I wrote before to you, I believe in seeing reality, seeing what is, not what we wish it to be and not what another tells us it is.

If I thought about checking more, I would have suggested it myself. I did not know there was more available for you to check.

Be prepared though that he will blame you for looking into his email the first time and the next time or times. He will try to manipulate you to feel guilty for looking into his emails and if he is successful YOU will end up apologizing to him!

I would definitely check more, check everything available for me to check to find out if there is more cheating activity.

If it helps you, please continue to post here, and I will respond every time you post. Be strong.

anita

You are welcome, PixieDust. I do hope you have good news next time you post. Whatever the next post, I will be reading and responding with your best interest in mind and heart.

anita