Home→Forums→Relationships→Time to walk away or stay
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Anonymous.
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March 16, 2017 at 1:26 pm #139875
AnonymousGuestDear Kaylon:
The way I understand it, there is hardly much to a “relationship” in the this Long Distance Relationship. It is Long Distance, true, but not much of a relationship. It is… an ongoing acquaintance of sorts. What I would do, if I was you, is not to end this relationship, but to acknowledge that it is not a relationship.
Therefore I will be available to date others, after telling him how I view this acquaintance. Whether to continue the acquaintance for its own sake or for possibly extending it sometime in the future, maybe, into a relationship- that is up to you and him.
anita
March 17, 2017 at 5:52 am #140007
cassie EveParticipantSo interesting to read. Thank you.
I have a similar situation which I am trying to navigate.
I have been with my boyfriend for 5 months now. The first 2 or 3 months of our relationship were wonderful. We felt connected on every level and believed we had found a long term partner in each other. (we are both in our forties) At the beginning of the year I said those 3 little words ..” I love you” and he couldn’t say them back. He said he is quite sure he will ‘get there’ and say them but is cautious to say them at this stage of the relationship. He has repeatedly said to me that he ‘wants to allow himself to love me and be loved in return’ ….and has acknowledged he has work to do around opening his heart. He followed my suggestion and has started counselling. He says he want to be someone with me who can be 100% emotionally committed. We also don’t see much of each other due to his very intensive and high pressured job which has taken him off to the far east constantly over the last 6 weeks. When I have seem him he has been exhausted and there’s been no space for real intimacy or fun. He is like a shut down zombie. This looks like it will carry on until this particular contract ends in 2 months time approx. We spoke on the phone a few nights ago and he sounded like an emotionless robot…..not the man I have come to know and love. He said he is just trying to ‘stay alive’ right now with the constant long haul travelling (11 hr flight there and 11 hrs back each week) and demanding corporate work schedule. He says he’s not sure he can ‘do us’ at the moment whilst this job is taking all his energy. He also doesn’t want to end the relationship but has asked for space……2 months space perhaps…until the contract is over and he can focus back on ‘us’. I don’t know what to do …..This feels like a very very hard thing he is asking form me. Do I stay in or get out ?
March 17, 2017 at 5:52 am #140013
Jerry JacobParticipantDear Kaylon,
Don’t worry,long distance is a more powerful relationship in the world.But parents relationship is not more than any relationship in this world.First think and then do.
March 17, 2017 at 6:33 pm #140421
KaylonParticipantYou’re not the first person pointing out that I’m actually not dating him. He’s not available a lot in my life and if anything it’s all in my head.
I thought a lot since he left. I kept thinking if it would be easier for me to step back officially and get my needs fulfilled elsewhere
March 17, 2017 at 6:38 pm #140423KaylonParticipanti understand how you feel. You can at least appreciate your bf telling you what’s going on on his part. And two months is coming by very fast.
in my case, I had the assumption and suddenly I realized that’s all what I was thinking and hoping. This realization bursted my bubble and I have to now look at the reality and make a decision.
i talked to him about the struggle. This was probably the fourth time telling him that I want to spend more time with him. He said he wished I hadn’t had those feels and let him know what he could do to make me feel better. I told him to be more initiative and that when he goes fours days without contacting me, it makes me feel unimportant to him. He hasn’t got back to me until now
March 17, 2017 at 6:43 pm #140425KaylonParticipantyou think I may be overthinking now? I get wrapped up with these ideas and that my just want more time with him about every other month. I don’t even know if it’s a pattern now and if I can do anything about it
March 17, 2017 at 7:01 pm #140429AnonymousGuestDear Kaylon:
You wrote in your original post that when you were on a break you bought tickets to visit him but you didn’t get to see him because of a miscommunication that turned into arguments. So you traveled and didn’t get to see him at all? What was the miscommunication about and the arguments…?
anita
March 17, 2017 at 7:17 pm #140439KaylonParticipantI didn’t travel. I canceled the tickets.
we briefly discussed the travel plan. He said he was very tired and would call me the next day to finalize the plan. He didn’t call so I reached out. I left him a message about the flight time. Then he never got back to me and I thought he had no problem with it.
The week before the departure, I was excited and told me so. He was happy too and asked about the flight. When he saw the info, he told me he never agreed on those dates and that I never do things like that. When I called him, he was throwing tantrum.
I had to hang up and was waiting for him to apologize. That didn’t happen so I canceled the flight the night before the departure.
That was another major struggle I went through and really doubt the relationship. We then talked and he told me he never received the voice message etc. We both decided to let it go.
After the talk, I felt closer to him. At least he gets back to my text a lot faster now. I was counting on connecting with him when he visited. But when he was exhausted while visiting, I realized it doesn’t happen often to spend some good time with him
March 17, 2017 at 8:04 pm #140441AnonymousGuestDear Kaylon:
He forgot to call you as he said he will, the next day, to finalize the plans for you to travel to see him. And then he threw a temper tantrum never to apologize- never to apologize for forgetting or for the anger tantrum. This is evidence that he didn’t consider your travel a high priority, so he forgot. And later, he didn’t consider that you were excited to see him, that you were willing to travel to see him, and he got angry, angry at a loving, dedicated woman.
In your original post you wrote that when you suggested to him that the two of you live in the same city, he responded that his only consideration for where he lives is how much money he can make working.
Reads to me that he is not very loving to you and doesn’t consider you a high priority, if a priority at all. I think you deserve a loving man for whom you are a high priority. He is not that man…
Sad but true, isn’t it?
anita
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