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Time to set Sleep Boundaries?

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  • This topic has 3 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 8 years ago by Anonymous.
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  • April 4, 2017 at 8:00 am #143591
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Helen:

    First killer of intimacy is that ” fighting at 6 AM” you mentioned, or fighting at any time. The fighting has to stop. Clearly, the two of you are well aware of your individual disadvantages to sleeping together, so when you choose to do so, each one of you is responsible for the choice, fully aware of the consequences. There really is no justification to acting grumpy with each other and otherwise fighting.

    So, next time you sleep together and any one of you (or both) feels grumpy, don’t express that grumpiness against  the other.

    Second, you may want to experiment with the two of you spending time together in bed at a particular time, and then, right before any one of you (or both) are ready to sleep, one of you then moves to another room to actually sleep. Then, in the morning, following his two hour alarm routine (that you will not be hearing, being in another room), you will get together again for a few minutes in bed, followed by breakfast.

    Otherwise, it is important to get enough sleep, so have that be first priority and the sleep overs- second priority.

    anita

    April 4, 2017 at 8:07 am #143593
    Helen
    Participant

    Dear Anita– Thank you for your advice. Especially on avoiding fighting. We don’t have two separate rooms, but maybe I could sleep on the couch, or we will look for a better sleeping arrangement in our respective apartment hunts in July. For now, I think your reminder to avoid fighting is key.

    All best,

    Helen

    April 4, 2017 at 8:30 am #143597
    Anonymous
    Guest

    You are welcome, Helen. All the best to you as well.

    anita

    April 7, 2017 at 11:21 am #144079
    Kristine M Lewis
    Participant

    Anita,

    There are a lot of good alarm alternatives that won’t be so invasive to your sleep.  I myself utilize my Fitbit to “buzz” me awake.  I wear it at night anyway to track my sleep, so it’s a great tool to wake me up.  I  can set alarms (as many as I want, whenever I want) to quietly but effectively stir me.  (Amazon sells a simple “shake and wake” that does the same thing but without the rest of the Fitbit properties)

    Another option is an alarm clock that works on light.  Our sleep can be interrupted by light pretty easily, especially blue light, so there are a bunch of alarm clocks that rely on pulses of light, different brightnesses, etc. that are a lot less “angry” than a traditional alarm sound.  There’s a bunch on Amazon, even LL.Bean makes one (that’s where I saw one first)

    Lastly, there does exist a “Smart Pillow”.  I saw it on Amazon actually.  I think the manufacturer is ZEEQ.  It works with a smartphone.  It’s a little pricey, but when it comes to sleep, sometimes we’ll spend anything for the rest we need.

    I hope I’ve been helpful to you.  This is definitely a problem that has a solution.  No worries!

     

    All the best.

    –Kristine

    April 7, 2017 at 11:21 am #144081
    Kristine M Lewis
    Participant

    Forgive me if I got the name wrong, I got down to the bottom of the page and saw Anita’s name.  oops!

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