Hi,

I’m new here and could really do with some advice. To summarize, I’ve been married for 7 years. About a month ago we made a mutual decision to separate. A few days later, I found out from a friend that he was seeing someone. Two weeks passed and I did not confront him. He’d come home, get dressed, go out drinking, come back at 5,6,7am to shower and get ready for work and the cycle continued. About 2 weeks ago I asked him what was happening and he said that he slept with this girl – twice. I was gutted. I turned to my friends and family for support and they have been absolutely incredible.

A week ago he said he’d stopped communicating with this woman – he wants us to work on our marriage. We put everything out on the table. I said I need time and space to figure out what I want. I don’t know if I can get past him being intimate with this woman and I’m not sure that I can trust him. I relise that we were separated, but what lights my fire is that it was a matter of days before he started seeing her, he introduced her to close friends and was picking her up and taking her out – all while keeping it from me and still living under the same roof as me. I feel betrayed.

He is a good guy. There are a lot of good qualities there and our marriage was not all bad. I don’t know if I can forgive him for this. I don’t know that I can ever look at him without seeing her face or thinking of what happened between them. I feel like our marriage ended the moment he decided to be with her. That said, I don’t know if I even WANT to be with him even if I could get past this. We’ve had so many issues and his Peter Pan syndrome seems to control every part of our life. If I decide to try again, will it be for the wrong reasons? Because I’m used to him being there? Because I’m hurt? Because he’s the father of our children? Or because I truly want to work at it and try to save our marriage? I just don’t know.

Any advice offered would be much appreciated.