From personal experience and observation, most people don’t work on relationships anymore. We’ve essentially built our society on the idea of disposable relationships where fixing something is too much work and finding somebody else is easier. It’s really sad, but the notion these days is there is something better out there and many people end up getting divorced instead of making it work and wind up chasing their own tail in search of “the one” when in reality they either divorced them or left them behind years ago. You’d be surprised how many people compare their lives to Hollywood’s Shakespeare-esque dramatization of amazingly romantic and unrealistic relationships. Everyone drools over this and eventually start questioning their own relationships because they don’t match the TV screen. 5 years into a relationship and they ask “I love this person but not in love. Should i leave them?” Well, welcome to life. If you thought you were going to be in love for 50 years, then perhaps should also learn that the sky is blue. The grass always seems greener on the other side. I think this is the biggest reason marriages fail and relationships are abandoned.

I remember reading somewhere that those who were in one serious relationship and ended up marrying that person are really the ones in long-lasting marriages. Somehow we make a better bond in our first real relationship, especially if it’s sexual. The study claimed that every time we jumped from one relationship to another the chances of that new relationship working out are significantly lower than the previous. Frankly, I can attest to that. I know a lot of couples who couldn’t even get through a couple of years of marriage. And I have a few good friends in mid-30s who are happily married to their high school or college sweethearts.

One of those friends had once told me “Any two people can make a marriage work. It all depends on how much they both want it.” This is the best thing I’ve ever heard about marriage and I couldn’t believe it was coming from a friend who’s in my age group and not my parents’. However, the reality is when you’re jumping from one failed relationship to another you’re carrying over a lot of baggage (in shape of guilt, shame, hurt and etc) possibly without even being aware of it accumulating in your subconsciousness. At some point, when your heart is bleeding over yet another person you’ve lost, all of those other failed relationships start surfacing. This baggage doesn’t go away. Over time it just subsides and doesn’t hurt as much, but it’s still there and it dawns on you from time to time. The worst thing is that there is nothing normal about that, yet our society tells us that it is. So by the time we’re ready for settle down we’ve seen and hurt enough for 60 years ahead.

Our parents are probably a little better at marriage than our generation, but where i see the ultimate love and support is in our grandparents’ generation. My grandma, who was 100% blind and had trouble walking, was taking care of my bed-ridden grandfather as he was dying with terminal cancer. Under circumstances at the time, she cared for him completely alone for 2 months. This is boundless and deep love and I find it hard to believe that i’ll ever experience it, but i hope someday i will and so will you 🙂

• This reply was modified 9 years, 4 months ago by TriangleSun.
• This reply was modified 9 years, 4 months ago by TriangleSun.

Love is a rose…. better not pick it. It only grows if it’s on the vine. Handful of thorns and you know you’ve missed it, you lose your love when you say the word “MINE”.
This line from the song just about sums it up. In relationships we usually get what we give out.
Unless one or both are flawed deeply and cannot love and then it is very hard to make anything workout.

Start by loving yourself and then give this love to your beloved. Act in their best interest.
Love has to be based on something higher than ourselves. My higher power is God and He will direct my relationships in the best way if I let Him.
“Letting Him”, means to give up control. No manipulation. Some of us don’t even know we are controlling and manipulative we have been that way for so long and from our core.

When a relationship starts we are in love and see through the glasses of love. Everything is perfectly lovely.
When the love drugs wear off and we are left with a human being who isn’t really perfect after all that is when we must hold our tongue and trust God to show us ways to allow great communication to iron things out.

I have had questions in my relationship and waited and the answer would come without me having to demand or even ask.

It is important for me to keep the purity of love that started in the beginning. The loving feelings, the respect, the awe we feel for our loved one.

I don’t want to have a knock down drag out or say ugly things I can never take back because my first marriage was like that and I never was actually able to forget the things he said to me and I never felt loved or cherished because of that.

So, treat them like the diamond they are. And if they aren’t a diamond then maybe your love and respect will turn them into one. If not then it is best to find the ONE who you so desire that all others are second choice.