Hey Poppy,

Sometimes I say to people, in a half joking way, that when people first meet with the hope that they will start a loving relationship,  I observe their behavior is a lot like creatures in the animal kingdom, specifically the Peacock. The male peacock will find a potential mate and to capture her attention, he does this fancy dance with his feathers all spread out accompanied by a loud screech. I think my mentioning that silly aspect of my personality is a good segue into what my philosophy on relationships is. Many people have said, and you may have said this too, that in a relationship it should be a 50/50 proposition. For some time I agreed with that until I gave the statement a long hard look. Something about it didn’t seem right and it took a number of years until I reformulated my opinion on that percentage which, I eventually rejected it for my current thought. That is, I do not believe that a relationship should be 50/50. as in percent I assume. I’ll put out half and you put out half and things will be fine. Riiiight. I think a relationship should be 100/100 as in percent. In a 50/50 relationship, what does the other one do with his/her other 50%?  Having said that, I have learned also that in any relationship, whether it be a personal one, a relationship with your work, whatever, there are 2 kinds of people. There are people of commitment and people of conformity. I think one would have potentially more problems with people of conformity. I say this because they have to conform to other rules already established. They have to negotiate what it is in return that they will get. It’s the old what’s-in-it-for-me concept. If the reward is attractive enough then of course conformity can be put into play by accepting what is viewed as a reasonable compromise. On the other hand, I think that you have potentially fewer problems, if any, by people of commitment. This is simply because they are committed in pursuit of that “perfect” relationship. That is not to say that commitment is not vulnerable. Things change, people change, adverse events occur that can influence that. But for the most part I believe that people of commitment have a better success rate in their relationships than people of conformity. I must add too that my opinion on this, like any other, is a malleable one and I most certainly welcome criticism with an open heart.

Dear Poppyxo:

Good job on getting to know him. As long as two people have relationships with their family members and plan to continue those, meeting each other’s family is very important.

anita

You are welcome, Poppyxo.

anita