Dear chokko:

You asked about mindfulness- it is an ongoing practice. You start with a simple guided meditation directing to you to take a few deep breaths then listen to sounds, then go back to your breathing. Other guided meditations to follow will direct you to pay attention to your breathing (always starts with breathing), then to sounds, then to touching something in your hand, then back to sounds, and to breathing.

Further guided meditations direct you to shift your focus from … breathing to sounds, to any body sensation, to thoughts, back to breathing, and so on.

This PAYING ATTENTION to what you sense (sounds, sight, touch…) and the SHIFTING OF ATTENTION from senses to body sensations to thoughts, give you the skill and practice you need to notice early when you are anxious (paying attention to the sensation of your chest getting tight, for example)

and the ability to SHIFT your attention from the death-thoughts to sounds or a sight or a feel of something soft in your hand. When you shift your attention to sounds, you don’t think at the same time, so you get a break from the death thoughts and before you know it, you exited the panic trap.

anita

Hi Chokko!

I just wanted to let you know you’re so not alone
In your fears& anxiety about death. Mine also started around 8years
old. I had two Uncles die within two months and it rocked my our old world! My parents didn’t explain death to me in a way that I found soothing or understandable. Perhaps in their grief my new found anxiety went unnoticed. But it spiraled out of control! I remember telling them ” I don’t want to die!” and ever since I’ve had an irrational overwhelming fear of death, even now after I’ve worked through my personal issues with anxiety and panic attacks, if I let myself think about death it’s never positive.
At 8 years old I went so far as unplugging EVERYTHING at night fearing we’d all die in a fire. Eventually that passed. But I have issues with driving, which I refuse to do and I’m 36! I too fear there is nothing after we die and tho I try remaining optimistic and “spiritual” I still worry about it. It’s fear of the unknown. I am at a point where I’m good with my anxiety. I have meds I take as needed. But I think things like this, especially when it interferes with your quality of daily life, need to be talked about more one on one with a therapist.
I must admit reading forums, even tho I rarely post, and seeing others who relate does help me alot!
I hope you had a wonderful holiday! Feel free to ask me anything.
Alicia

Dear chokko:

It is possible for you to heal from your anxiety, not only to manage it. The sooner you have competent professional psychotherapy, the sooner you will be free from this anxiety that makes you suffer so much.

I sure hope you do get the help you need. I am in the process of healing my anxiety, not just managing it. I started my healing process in 2011. With help, you will be still in your twenties, maybe early, maybe mid twenties, and living such a better life. Have hope and get the help you need, please.

anita

Dear chokko:

I don’t want to mention my age here (you already got panicky over the other respondent’s age). Five years and nine months since the start of my therapy is the only time line I want to mention. Therapy lasted two years. My anxiety background: serious OCD, Tourette Syndrome and various other diagnoses.

All this time later, and I no longer fit a few of my diagnoses! How is that for success?

Sure, your grandfather’s death has been an aggravating factor. If you’d like (let me know if you do), I will re-read your existing posts here tomorrow morning and any other post you may still add, and write you more tomorrow. I did so much work on anxiety and am willing to share with you all I know, all that I can share on this forum.

anita

Dear chokko:

Thank you. I am glad the holidays are over. No need to apologize for later replies. Whenever you reply, if you reply at all, is fine with me.

I will share all I know, over time. About healing from anxiety:

It is a combination of Insight into your childhood, where anxiety started and Skills to build tolerance to it, to be able to relax when needed, so the anxiety does not take over you. Instead you build trust in your ability to endure it, reduce it, not react to it, not escalate (that is, panic). It is a slow process. It can’t happen over night. There is nothing I can write; there is nothing ANYONE can write for you to read and heal as a result. These skills take practice. Over a few months of ongoing practice- with help- and insight, and you will notice reliable improvement. A few years is what it probably takes to make even more significant progress. You have to be persistent, not give up, practice extreme patience with the process and gentleness with yourself.

Regarding the Insight part: will you share about your childhood? Did I already ask you this (I went through your thread before this posting, but did not read every word)? What is the nature of your relationships with your parents- as a child and currently?

anita

Dear chokko:

I will read your post above and reply tomorrow, when I am back at the computer, that will be about 14 hours from now.

anita