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Thought my engagement was going well…

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Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
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  • September 17, 2017 at 6:40 pm #169046
    Rebecca
    Participant

    I am engaged to a great guy. At least I thought I was. He is the best man in his best friend’s wedding. He was planning the bachelor party and they were talking about going to a strip club, which I was cool with, except I told him NO LAP DANCES. Period. So… I pick him up from the bachelor party and ask him “no lap dances rigbt?” He says yeah. Later, in his drunken stupor he admits to me he got a lap dance at the strip club. I was FURIOUS. I am still pissed a day later. I’m not really sure what to do. We are supposed to get married next year. We have already invested about 3000 just to reserve our date to get married. My trust feels broken and I feel disrespected…. he lied to me.. it just really hurts. I don’t know if we should take a break or what.. if we haven’t invested money into our wedding I’d probably end it and kick him out  ( we live together.). Ugh. I’m just hurt and angry and upset.

    September 18, 2017 at 7:21 am #169122
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Rebecca:

    I think that you being okay with him going to a strip club but instructing him to not accept lap dances is not congruent because once he is in the strip club, drinking and every other guy is getting a lap dance, it is too difficult to refuse an offered lap dance, too uncomfortable to be stand out to the other guys as the … uncool guy, the guy being controlled by a woman, unlike the other guys who take the freedom to defy the women in their lives, during that particular party.

    I think that your instruction to him, to not have a lap dance while in a strip club, in the company of his male friends all getting lap dances, was unrealistic. It would have been congruent and realistic to suggest perhaps that he doesn’t go to the strip club at all, doesn’t attend that part or any of the bachelor party.

    anita

    September 18, 2017 at 12:03 pm #169226
    i_like_advice
    Participant

    Hi Rebecca,

    Why not talk to him and tell him how you feel? Let him know that you feel like he broke your trust and that you view it as a sign of disrespect. Let him know that you’re hurting. You are planning on marrying this person! Life will not be perfect for the next 50 years–both of you will mess up. Both of you will mess up big time. Successful couples will communicate about it and work through it together.

    Talk to him. See what he has to say. Work though it.

    September 29, 2017 at 6:18 am #170869
    Jean
    Participant

    Hi Ribecca,

    why did he lie to you originally??  Probably because he thought you would be mad at him.  I think it’s good that he actually admitted it to you.. however don’t let this opportunity pass without having a long conversation about trust. Once the trust is gone the relationship is doomed. Nip this in the bud now if u want to have a future with him. Best of luck to u.

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