Dear Rebecca:

I think that you being okay with him going to a strip club but instructing him to not accept lap dances is not congruent because once he is in the strip club, drinking and every other guy is getting a lap dance, it is too difficult to refuse an offered lap dance, too uncomfortable to be stand out to the other guys as the … uncool guy, the guy being controlled by a woman, unlike the other guys who take the freedom to defy the women in their lives, during that particular party.

I think that your instruction to him, to not have a lap dance while in a strip club, in the company of his male friends all getting lap dances, was unrealistic. It would have been congruent and realistic to suggest perhaps that he doesn’t go to the strip club at all, doesn’t attend that part or any of the bachelor party.

anita

Hi Ribecca,

why did he lie to you originally??  Probably because he thought you would be mad at him.  I think it’s good that he actually admitted it to you.. however don’t let this opportunity pass without having a long conversation about trust. Once the trust is gone the relationship is doomed. Nip this in the bud now if u want to have a future with him. Best of luck to u.