… that’s a whole lot of anger going on there. I feel for you. It’s painful and hurtful to have to work with people you don’t gel with or you don’t feel comfortable with – it’s like they’re rejecting you and that really really hurts , so you reject them back…

or reject them first so they can’t reject you, which causes problems in itself.

I’m glad you are out of that place. Dust yourself off, give yourself a loving smile and on to the next adventure.

At work here I love and am loved here but in some strange way I can’t feel one of them. You know like – you see them all chatting together and they stand together and I would be perfectly welcome to stand there too but for some unknown reason I can’t bring myself to stand there…. maybe the fear is a fear of rejection but there’s no way they would reject me – they love me… but I fear deep down that perhaps they’ll see that I’m some kind of uninteresting fraud… or want something from me that I cant deliver… so I pretend it’s me not interested in them. although I’m not sure that’s me winning in that situation. Worth having a wee look at I think

What, like ALL the time? Theres never a time in the outside world that you ever feel ‘huh I had a good day actually and felt alright in myself. Made a new friend too. ‘

I hear the laughter in your voice as you label yourself ‘fuck up. Fuck up.’ I’m curious as to what that laughter means. To read it, it makes me laugh with you and think ‘ha! I don’t believe you.’

You’ve just built yourself a wee cocoon (great word) around yourself as a safety blanket to protect you from having to try.

It’s like just not wanting to get out of bed.

I got mine too. That’s why I got such a high score.

But people don’t know that. When you meet them
No one knows you’re shy and scared. You don’t eveven know that they’re not riddled with self doubt but just want to push themselves to reach their hand out to shake and say ‘hi I’m caroline ‘ how do we know that your fear means you reject someone and that was their push to be brave and it makes them believe everything they ever told themselves is true and that person ignored me…. I went right off into a dream there . Apologies
my mantra is : well what would someone who wasn’t afraid right now do? Well.they’d … pick their head up a bit and smile and reach outtheir hand and say hi. Nice to meet you. Type stuff… ive applied thst too to being nervous of the underground rabbit warren… what would someone who was confident do on the tube?

Close flip top lid. Apologies