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This irritating person

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Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • August 19, 2014 at 6:10 am #63629
    TheOne
    Participant

    Dear Community,
    I joined tiny buddha some weeks back but never posted anything. I thought that i was not “wise” enough to be a part of this wonderful group. But today i decided to write.
    I have been really troubled anout this for a long time and i think its not allowing me to live peacefully. Its about the “Evil Eye” concept. I am an engineering student so i am not overly superstitious. but this concept is given a lot of importance in our community. There is this person , Mr. K ( say) who comes over to our place at odd times.. usually when my uncle and grandpa return from work. And then he asks them all kinds of intimidating questions. My uncle had a back problem a few years back. With God’s grace hes all well now. But this Mr. K comes asks” So tell me.. wht actually cured your back?” He knows everything abt it but still wants to ask this. He asked my grandfather about how his relation with his son is.. i get really irritated by this and sometimes these thoughts come up while studying which i dont want. So if anyone out here can help me, it will be much appreciated. Thanks in advance!! 🙂 🙂 May God bless!!

    August 19, 2014 at 7:40 am #63632
    Matt
    Participant

    parth,

    Welcome to the community! What is it about Mr K that intimidates you? How does it tie into “the evil eye”?

    Irritation teaches us equanimity, if we let it. Like, why give his pokey questions a second thought? What’s the fear? Whats the feeling?

    With warmth,
    Matt

    August 19, 2014 at 8:30 am #63643
    TheOne
    Participant

    Matt,
    Thank you so much for responding.! 🙂
    Mr. K asks questions whose answers i wouldn’t like to answer. “Pokey” is the most appropriate term. For example after completion of my high school, he asked me what i would like to do further.I told him i hadn’t decided it yet . He then arrogantly asked me when i would decide it… it seems pretty normal when i type it here. But trust it irritates me a LOT. This isn’t the main issue although. The thing is he irritates my family members by asking such questions which ANGERS me!! i Have seen them getting irritated by him. It really affects our peaceful living in a bad way and spoils our mood.He comes to our place and sits till my uncle or grandpa( who just return from work or are resting on Sunday) are not compelled to abandon whatever they are doing and meet him and answer his questions. There is no fear but i just cannot tolerate my family’s happy mood being spoiled. About the Evil Eye, he is really jealous of us, and whenever he sees us doing something together happily( like going for a walk outside), he walks up to us , smiles irritatingly and says” Wow! iam so happy to see u do this”. He knows we would be intimidated by that. Infact my mother and aunt have now stopped going for a walk…
    So this is the whole thing.. i am sorry for making it so long! :p

    With Regards,
    parth

    August 19, 2014 at 8:49 am #63645
    Matt
    Participant

    Parth,

    He sounds lonely to me. When you’ve talked to him about the way his presence affects your family, what did he say?

    From a different direction, consider: if he’s lonely, and trying to connect with your family, you have a couple options. One, tell him to get away, call the police, grab your garden hose, or some other form of pest removal. The second, embrace him, give him hugs, help him feel welcome in this world by including him. Maybe invite him in for dinner.

    It sounds like the tension is coming from his invasion of your boundaries. Like, him pressing close to your family, prying and trying. The easiest way to be free from your own agitation is to stop calling him evil, and see past his invasion to the loneliness that drives it, and forgive him for it. We all want to connect, have a family, and it sounds like he’s trying to be a part of yours. You don’t have to let him, shoo him away if you folks don’t want him around. But why are you acting like a victim? Does he have some kind of superpowers that prevents you from pushing him away?

    From a different direction, let’s say a cat got under your porch and started meowing and hissing. Its dumb to become agitated that the cat is being a cat. Either find out why the cat is so unhappy, or get him out from beneath your porch. To sit and stew just turns the cats meowing into your own meowing. See?

    With warmth,
    Matt

    August 19, 2014 at 9:50 am #63647
    TheOne
    Participant

    Matt,
    He lives with his wife but his two sons live abroad . So yes maybe you are right when you say he’s lonely and he wants to be close to us. But don’t you think this is a very ineffective way of doing so? I’ve never told him about how his presence affects my family but in all honesty i think he should’ve realised it seeing our lack of interest in having a conversation him i.e about his poky questions. Thats the problem.. i think he does this on purpose.

    Matt Wow!! Your words are so inspiring!! 😀 Right now i was quite agitated about this but after reading what you have written, i could actually feel myself calming down.. its such a wonderful feeling really!! 😀 I don’t think there is any better example than the one you just gave( about the cat). Wow! I never really thought it that way..

    MAtt, I apologise if I’m extending this conversation way too long.. but if i try making him feel welcome, i’m afraid he would take advantage of it and become more of an intruder. We all show him a LOT of respect, we talk to him with great care, i even run down to him if i see him at the other end of the road.. but only to be answering his poky ques.

    But Matt I couldn’t agree more with you.. I am acting like a victim.. you are right! Thanks for showing me the light!!
    Thanks a ton!!!! 🙂 I am incredibly grateful.

    May God bless us all

    With the greatest regards,
    Parth

    August 19, 2014 at 10:54 am #63652
    Matt
    Participant

    Parth,

    His ineffective strategies aren’t really the “step one” issue, right? The victim parth, the agitated parth, is. His skillful or unskillful qualities are his business, and he has no obligation to change them. But, yes, his behavior sounds pokey, which isn’t typically good for us. Again, though, this is like judging a cat for being a cat, as soon as you entertain “well, he shouldn’t…”. The truth is, he does, and he does for some kind of reason. You have no obligation to understand, accept, or change those reasons, or invite him in, that’s between you and your heart, what feels best for you.

    As far as being invaded more, such as, if he comes to dinner, perhaps he’d be more agitating… its true. But that’s what family does to each other, you know? I have an uncle that pushes tons of buttons in all of us, and because he’s family, we feel comfortable telling him to shut up if he’s being a jerk. Sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn’t, but we never feel like a victim. See? 🙂

    With warmth,
    Matt

    August 20, 2014 at 5:31 am #63698
    TheOne
    Participant

    MAtt,

    Thanks a ton for sharing ur wisdom with me and for your advice!! I feel much better now 🙂 So i’ll let cat purr!! 😛

    Thanks again!

    Full of gratitude
    With Regards,
    Parth

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