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This Can't be "Normal"

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  • January 13, 2015 at 3:21 pm #71261
    Doreen Dawson
    Participant

    Hi Todzilla,

    I have experienced my fiance having an emotional affair within our engagement. And oddly enough it too has brought us closer together. It was a revelation how this can instead of weakening our bond, strengthened what we share. Not saying affairs are acceptable and should always be forgiven. But it really opens up the issues and problems you are having as a couple. Depending on the values of each other you are able to grow from this. Other times it shows you that you are not meant to be and this is a sign to move on. But it does bring some awareness and a sense of honesty to yourself as a person regardless of the outcome. So in fact it is quite normal.

    January 13, 2015 at 3:38 pm #71268
    Maggie Black
    Participant

    This is “Awesome”
    I have never heard anything like this! This is beautiful and I hope it continues. My desire, in my relationship, is to have that closeness, depth and unflinching intimacy.

    January 14, 2015 at 6:04 am #71297
    Todzilla
    Participant

    Doreen, Maggie,

    Thanks for your thoughts! We are both trying to view this as a new beginning, not just of bliss, but a new beginning of lots of work we need to do to make our relationship better than ever.

    I think what REALLY helped a lot was sharing and understanding each other’s childhood pain, which drives much of our adult angst. We’re both from upper middle class families that appear perfect from the outside, but had significant challenges that linger today (probably like everybody else’s families). Once we started exploring those family of origin issues, it became much easier to view the other’s angry behavior in its proper context.

    And perhaps most importantly, that exploration helps us forgive ourselves, a prerequisite for asking forgiveness from each other.

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