Hi Kiki,

Thank you for posting this question as this is an issue that I’ve also struggled with. Ever since reading Hamlet and hearing Polonius say, “To thine own self be true,” have I struggled with getting at the essence of what it means to live authentically.

I don’t have the complete answer yet, but here’s a couple of ideas that I’ve floated around. Firstly, your true voice or self would never say anything to debase you. In other words, you true voice would never make you feel anxious about who you are. It wouldn’t say anything mean about you, criticize, or judge you. If that’s what you’re hearing inside your head, that’s not the real you, but rather things that you may have heard said about you or said about other people which you’ve internalized.

To be honest, the moments when I’ve had the most clarity about who I am, is when I don’t hear a voice at all. There’s no mind, no thoughts jumbling around in my head evaluating me whether I’m doing things right or wrong, but just allowing me to be and do whatever feels right at any given moment.

Because I’ve taken the time to make explicit my values and principles that I want to follow, if I’ve taken those to heart and do my best to align my words and actions with those values and principles, the rest just falls into place. No voice. No judgement. No do this or don’t do that. No say this or don’t say that. Just being.

Meditation works best at becoming familiar with the tricks your mind plays on you and the slings and arrows that you throw at yourself. With diligent practice and loving kindness towards yourself and others, that voice just fades into ether and the audio track in your head just stops and you hear the cars rolling by, the babbling brook, the baby cry, the music on the stereo, people talking, all with no evaluation, no judgement, just peace. The voice or gremlins sometimes slip in and try to trip you up, but I know with more practice, I’ll be able to rid myself of them completely someday. In the meantime, those moments when the voices are silent are awesome and I hope you too find a way to get there.