There Is Nothing Left

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This topic has 4 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 4 months ago by Bev.

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November 29, 2016 at 12:41 pm #121492

Anonymous
Inactive

I feel like I have become just a body.
I am losing myself more and more each day.

I write this in the hopes that someone can guide me.
I have been lost many times before.
In fact, I don’t think I have ever felt like I belong.

I am 26, male.
I think about suicide every day.
I feel pained every day, by the things I have learned of our World.

I learned what our species does to animals – the innocent. It is so hideous.
I see the corruption and greed in everything. The unfairness.

I feel useless.
Completely and utterly useless to this World and those who I wish to help.

My health is a mess.
I took a nasty drug called Accutane some time ago.
I have not been the same since.

I live with extreme feelings of detachment – dissociation, derealization.
I have a lot of anxiety and paranoia.

I have tried SO MANY things and have learned to feel hopeless because it seems NOTHING WORKS.
I feel a huge part of the problem is being on the wrong path.

I have been doing car insurance jobs for the last few years, and they are very wrong for me.
I hate working in an office, surrounded by noise and bright lights.

I am a HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) and very much an introvert.
I need to change Career but I have no idea where to start.

My self-esteem and creativity have sunk so low – they barely exist.
I hold a lot of tension in my stomach at work, from stress and from feeling uncomfortable.
This is likely why my digestion is bad.

Other symptoms are CFS (Chronic Fatigue), brain fog, low sex-drive, mood imbalances (like I can get very angry, very fast).
I have never hurt anyone, but sometimes I worry I am a bad person.
My mind can take me to dark places and I question my sanity.

I don’t know if that is enough to go on, but I am barely getting by at this point.
If there was a button I could press, that would instantly kill me, I would probably press it without a second thought.
I don’t feel my life is worth living and I am afraid for my future.

I just moved out with my girlfriend a couple of weeks ago, and I don’t feel I can leave my job that is making me so miserable.
I have some money saved up, but I don’t know what the f*ck I would do if I quit my job.
Yet, I have such a strong desire to get out of that destructive, stressful, over-pressured environment.

Someone please try and help me.
I am dying on the inside.

November 29, 2016 at 1:52 pm #121501

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Dude:

If “there is nothing left” (the title of your thread) then you are no longer “losing (yourself) more and more each day”- and so, having stopped the loss is a good thing, isn’t it?

“In the beginning…The earth was formless and void, and darkness was over the surface of the deep..” And then things were created, one day at a time.

(Figuratively, but the principle applies).

anita

November 29, 2016 at 4:13 pm #121514

Alien incident47
Participant

Suicide is never the answer to start with, your letter contains a lot of work that needs to addressed in more than one letter here it is going to take stages. Let’s start by lessing the stress by changing jobs perhaps with dealing with less people, like a night or grave yard shirft. Try to open your self stress free activity like exercise or yoga and meditation. Seek professional help as well if you had not done so.

November 30, 2016 at 3:37 am #121567
VJ
Participant
Dear dude,

Wow, what a poetic format of your issues you have written here….every sentence starting with an ‘I’.
Also with HSP and being introvert you have a girl friend, that is again something to feel worthy about yourself.

Coming to your problems, since the problems you are facing have gotten too much onto you and into your body’s energetic system, I will want to suggest you the Bach Flower Remedies.

– Read point B in this link for steps to do-
(http://dev.tinybuddha.com/topic/how-to-work-smarter-not-harder/#post-114347)

For all issues identify the remedies from
(http://www.bachflower.com/bach-flower-remedy-questionnaire)
and
(http://www.bachcentre.com/centre/remedies.htm)
By the end of these you will have identified a list of Bach flower remedies for each of your issues.

–I am a HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) and very much an introvert.
For HSP see – (https://www.flowerspirit.co.uk/3-bach-flower-remedies-for-hsps)
For Introvert MIMULUS is the remedy which is already for HSP too.

For any others let me know if you do not find the Bach remedy for any of the issues.

-Other symptoms are CFS (Chronic Fatigue), brain fog, low sex-drive, mood imbalances (like I can get very angry, very fast).
(http://dev.tinybuddha.com/topic/relaxation-meditation-techniques/#post-114812)

Please go with patience through each of the above links. I am sure you will come out of all your problems.

Regards,
VJ
- This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by VJ.
December 1, 2016 at 2:17 am #121651
Bev
Participant
Dude – I hear you. I recognise a place I have been. Do NOT suicide. I am telling you – as a person who has been where you are now – there is a life for yourself in your future where what you are feeling now will be just a memory – but you desperately need help, and you might not be in a fit state to source it for yourself.

It’s flat-out serious depression Dude. Don’t mess with it, don’t try to “fix it” yourself. There is no shame, there is no blame, there is no embarrassment – just get your butt into a doctor’s office STAT and do not leave until they give you a treatment plan. It you don’t have the energy to tackle this or feel there’s no point because it won’t work anyway then that’s the truly evil thing about frigging depression – it stops you from caring enough to beat it.

Please confide in someone you trust – a mother, a brother, a friend, a boss and ask them to go with you. Ask them to help you tackle it because you don’t have the energy or the interest or the belief – but you just know that if you don’t you might die.

Dredge down deep inside yourself and find that tiny nugget of truth that tells you the way you’re feeling isn’t the way human beings are meant to feel and then you hold onto that truth like a talisman until you are well again. And you CAN become well again, but please reach out to a friend to ask for help reaching out to a professional. No one should live one more day feeling the way you do, but the answer is in using the quickest path to wellness, NOT in suicide.
- This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by Bev.
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