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The stickiness of people.

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  • November 19, 2015 at 4:07 pm #87937
    Janine
    Participant

    I feel a bit ashamed for posting on this forum so frequently without really investing myself into other’s posts. I apologize if there is some forum etiquette that I am not following (I’m still figuring it all out). Nonetheless, I appreciate the existence of this and everyone here. It’s been a great comfort to me.

    Okay, okay.. So has anyone ever dealt with a friendship or relationship that they just can’t seem to get out of? Whether it be comfort or guilt that keeps drawing you back.. It just seems so sticky? What’s needed to end this type of relationship?

    November 19, 2015 at 4:13 pm #87938
    jock
    Participant

    Don’t feel ashamed to start as many threads as you like.
    I do it all the time.
    Call it self-expression. Noone is compelled to reply
    All I suggest is that you don’t expect. Don’t expect anything, quality or quantity responses.
    But chances are Anita will respond at least.
    (anita, by the way don’t feel you have to respond to everyone, everytime, you’ll wear yourself out)

    November 20, 2015 at 7:59 am #87971
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear moonpedal:

    Posting etiquette- an excellent title for a thread and I will start one this morning with that title that YOU brought up, so thank you and hope you follow and comment there.

    You wrote that you feel guilty for posting your own threads without commenting enough on others’- that tells me you may have the tendency to feel guilty for taking-too-much and not-giving-enough. This tendency is and will be a problem in relationships, leading to getting suck in undesirable relationships. Believing you OWE another when you don’t- GUILT- will keep you where you don’t want to be. Guilt, unreasonable, ongoing guilt is very sticky (the word you used).

    Will you write more about your guilt stickiness and how it gets you stuck where you don’t want to be? How and when did it start?

    * Jack: You know me, Jack…I do feel compelled to answer but this compulsion is not distressing to me. There are threads I do not respond to, such as about music and sometimes others and it doesn’t bother me that I didn’t respond to any one thread. So it is not an OCD type compulsion. Thank you for the suggestion to not wear myself out. I appreciate it.

    anita

    November 22, 2015 at 3:48 pm #88106
    Janine
    Participant

    I notice the stickiness is mostly to my relationship with my ex-boyfriend. We did not function well as a couple, but we had a strong bond as friends. By continuing to be friends, I feel like we are still perpetuating parts of the romantic relationship that we had. I am still angry about some of the things that happened. I want to break away completely and let myself heal, but I’m never successful with this. We will go a few months without seeing each other or talking, but then he gets brought back into my life somehow..

    November 22, 2015 at 6:24 pm #88141
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear moonpedal:

    Following you mentioning in your original post on this thread about posting etiquette I started a thread with that title, Posting Etiquette. I copied there the guidelines written by this Forum’s owner. You may want to read it.

    Regarding your ex boyfriend, sometimes current in a sticky kind of way. “he gets brought back into my life somehow”= well, who brings him back and how? Maybe you can look at the WHO brings him back and the HOW and safeguard yourself against the WHO and the HOW and that way not have him back into your life…?

    anita

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