Let me start by saying my name is amber I have generalized anxiety disorder. I’ve had crippling episodes with anxiety so bad that I could not eat I could not move and I could not stop crying for days on end. I’ve had instances of self – harm which finally motivated me to seek guidance from a counselor and start on a antidepressant. I’ve been doing much better I have the love of a great man who’s very supportive of me and who is trying to understand my anxiety, we are getting married next month. However my anxiety is heightened beyond imagine. My future husband knew from the first day we met that I was helping my parents my mother was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer and my father was diagnosed with heart disease over the past few years he has had a total of 6 stints placed in his heart and suffered a heart attack. My father is a very hardworking man he works as a contractor however life has not been easy on him when I was in my late teens we lost our home my father was unable to pay the mortgage any longer, my mother attempted suicide and we often had to do without. But we made it work we are survivors my father charged me rent at first it was about 450 and then it increased as I made more money I didn’t mind as I wanted to help them I typically pay about 650/700 in rent for my room in the home. My future husband was concerned about how they would get along without me I assured him that they would make it work and that they didn’t want me to be overly concerned we are very religious so we believe in relying on god as well. Over the course of our engagement we talked at length about my parents my future husband surprised me by bringing up the idea of setting aside 500 dollars for them monthly, Only to later recant that idea as he was concerned they would become dependent on it and I told him they aren’t expecting us to just hand them money every month but if they need help they will tell us and if we can we will try and help. He seemed ok with that statement later however my parents approached me about signing a lease for them my father due to mounting healthcare bills has little to no credit my husband was adamant that he did not feel this was right for his family and that it was a unreasonable request I had my reservations as well, but what upset me is that he was unwilling to give any credence to the other side of the issue it was not as if my parents were asking us to do something unlawful so it warranted discussing, finding out their financial situation and talking about it as if it was an option my future husband however felt it was beyond comprehension. I tried to explain to him that he is right to have his opinion but that does not mean he’s right and I’m wrong, I tried to express to him that we are both different people coming from different backgrounds his parents have never had any financial hardships or health problems and he has never been required to pay for anything, they bought his first car he’s never paid rent, his father even cosigned a car loan for him. I on the other hand know what it’s like to go home and the electric be turned off or the water. My father is a big proponent of the belief that family helps family, however at times I would be lying if I didn’t feel like he relied on me more than he should, but those times were few and far between. My husband has assured me hes 100% interested in helping but he wants there to be limits he said it can’t be every single month especially since my father still works. I guess my concern is by putting such limits on things I’m concerned that if they do need help monthly my future husband is going to be completely closed off to the idea. It hurt me so much to tell my father I couldn’t sign the lease, he would do anything for me and although I don’t owe him anything being the caring nurturing person I am I want to help him. Besides with his health I get concerned about him working so hard at 56 he’s no spring chicken the physical labor of his job mixed with the climate conditions take a toll on his heart. If something happens to him and I don’t feel like I did all I could do to help I’m going to feel responsible. My future husband thinks that ridiculous that my parents shouldn’t be my responsibility, I tried to explain to him that loving me is loving them and that its important to me. I know they aren’t my responsibility but naturally I want to be there for them I feel like my husband although he says he understands is taking a very back seat approach to all this and I feel like when the time comes I’m going to have to beg him to help them. I have always thought of my future husband as a compassionate man he would bring my mother flowers tell her he loved her he told my sister he considered them his family too. Yet now I see him in a new light he seems exacting and stubborn unwilling to yield or really understand me I’ve asked him to be reasonable to see things from my point of view he says he will try and that he will be more than reasonable but I feel like his actions are showing me otherwise. I don’t know if I can marry a man who doesn’t see the seriousness in helping my family and during a time when I should feel an overwhelming feeling of love for him I’m wrought with uncertainty. To be fair he apologized for how he handled the situation about the lease he admitted that he should have heard everything I had to say and then made a decision together before make a decision and then hearing me out. However he stated on the lease issue there was no changing his mind he feels it’s too much to ask of a new couple that we have our own obligations and that he didn’t want to be legally obligated to my parents in that way. He said that we can help them here and there but that it can’t be every month. That’s what really worries me what does that mean after one or two months we can’t help them, I understand not wanting them to be completely reliant on us and helping them find something within their means but with the credit issue it makes it very difficult for them. Not to mention we both make decent money right now and we are currently renting a basement apartment from his parents that is also very cost effective so we are in a good position to help for a bit. I just feel like my husband wants me to only worry about us and I can’t just abandon my family they will always be there for me. Its giving me immense anxiety and I have been contemplating calling off the wedding, when I talk about my parents with my fiancé he tends to get annoyed he feels we have talked about it to death and that he “wants things to go back to normal” but I feel like that’s a very immature thing to say and until we can resolve this there is no normal how can I walk down the aisle and feel good about this man am I over thinking things? I admit I have brought this issue up a lot but that’s because I want it spelled out better I’m concerned my future husband won’t be receptive to my desires to help my family and he keeps saying to trust in god which I do but we also have a obligation to help those in need. With my future husband I don’t know if I ever get through to him he gets annoyed and says I’m repeating myself but the problem is I don’t know if it reaches him he hears me and he wants me not to worry but for me that’s like saying don’t breath. He’s promised he won’t let my parents be homeless but I don’t want them to struggle either, He used to say he loved that I always put others first in my life and now I feel like he wants me to change the very thing he fell in love with. Any advice would be greatly appreciated I’m sorry this is so long – Sincerely Amber