Do you know, I’m new here as of yesterday and… I’m reading all your posts and I’m thinking that I shouldn’t write anything but everyone else is, so please may I?

so.. what does your inner voice say to you? Are you two friends? What do you talk about?

We all have the inner dialogue and I’m learning that many people are like I used to be and have a horrible bullying judging voice. Whose voice is that? Is it mine or is it some echo of some judgement I’ve experienced or read about?

I should be thin – if I am not I am fat and ugly and a failure and everyone is going to be secretly judging me
I should be really popular and if I am not then no one is going to ever love me and I’ll be lonely for the rest of my life.
I’m stupid. I’m ugly. I never get anything right…

WAIT A MINUTE.. let’s just stop that right there..
WHO SAYS? WHO SAYS I have to be thin and popular and blah blah blah? which magazine did I read that in? Bin it. Who’s advice did I listen to there to believe I’m stupid? Scrap em.

I used to say all these things to myself and my brother heard me once and said, have you heard how you talk to yourself? .. well… said I.. doesn’t everybody? Oh very much NO Caroline. No. .. what do you mean?

He taught me that that inner voice is not ME. it’s just a tool that I use as part of me. So I don’t have to listen to that voice at all. He says the inner voice sometimes bullies us and hurts our feelings and although it really hurts, sometimes it’s just trying to give us a message. so rather than believing what it says – actually stop and listen to it. What are you REALLY trying to tell me?

You’re stupid!
Am I? or maybe I didn’t apply myself to that situation properly so next time that comes up I hope I have the courage to push myself a little.

You’re fat and ugly?
Am I? prove it… I admit maybe I could walk to work a bit more and perhaps maybe work on not having sugar in my coffee but I’m a person whatever shape I am…

Now I have learned to talk to myself privately, openly and honestly. Sometimes I call out my own name in private quiet times – you hear your name when someone says it and you hear yourself say your name when you tell someone what it is but when have you heard your name cal;ling you by you? have a listen. sometimes I say – thank you for spending time with me today, I enjoyed your company. Wow thank you! And sometimes I say, I didn’t like the way you said or did that in that situation. I’m not blaming you but this happened and you did that and we can’t go back so I forgive you but next time that happens, please could you look at these other options I’ wish you’d chosen today?

and erm.. yeah

So it’s been a battle – I may sound like some new age hippy (nothing wrong with that either) but I’ve come from a terrible background full of horrible times – I’ve been raped and pillaged and heroin addict and abused and tried to kill myself and traumatic childhood and so to think that this is where I am now AND friends with myself is the biggest gift I can give myself and if I can help others get there too then that would be what I had to go through all that for.

As you were.,