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Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
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  • July 26, 2017 at 4:44 pm #160416
    sparkle00
    Participant

    Hi everyone, I have major trouble with texting too much. I text my partner and if he doesn’t respond I think the worst will happen. That he doesn’t love me or is about to boot me out. I fly into a panic and keep texting until he responds. Yesterday he said I’ve had it with you this insecurity. However he did give me a chance and I’m working on it. I also asked him if he still loves me but he said when I ask him it drives him crazy. How do I become relaxed enough not to worry if I don’t hear from him. I’m trying to save my relationship. Before him I was with someone who lied to me constantly, wouldn’t tell me he loved me and basically I had no confidence at the end. But I met this wonderful man who loves me and he has put up with my insecurity. There’s no one I click with like him. I don’t want to lose him but sometimes I can’t just relax with things. And I worry.

    July 26, 2017 at 6:15 pm #160434
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Flossy,

    Tell yourself, that when you send him a text, you will wait 24 hours, and if you don’t hear from him, then and only then, you can send him another text, or better yet, wait 48 hours. Because it will only scare him off. Normally when e-mailing or texting, we expect someone to respond right away and if they don’t we get anxious. However, remember before texting all we had were phones, we never expected someone to return our call 5 minutes or an hour later. So think of your text as a phone call, keep calm and be patient, he will get back to you.

    Better yet, instead of texting all the time, what about just talking to each other on the phone? Texting seems so distant and impersonal. You don’t get to hear that persons voice. I don’t know, but if I had a significant other I would much rather see them in person, rather than social media and texting. So try to relax, and wait at least 24 hours before texting him, or just hold out and wait until he texts you back.

    July 26, 2017 at 6:37 pm #160436
    mish
    Participant

    You may have some attachment issues as well that makes you anxious. Google it, it may help!

    July 27, 2017 at 1:50 am #160452
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Flossy,

    I forgot to add, that you mentioned that you are working on some issues. I am glad to hear this, and hope it gets to the root of the problem, so you can have a happy, healthy, loving relationship. Keep us posted.

    July 27, 2017 at 5:01 am #160472
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Flossy73:

    Try to focus, in regard to texting and asking if he loves you, on loving him instead of focusing on whether he loves you. Understandably it distresses him very much when you incessantly text him and ask him if he loves you. Loving him means not doing what is understandably distressing to him. In other words, you don’t knowingly cause distress to a person you love.

    My suggestion is that in the relationship with him, you shift your focus from Fear (“That he doesn’t love me or is about to boot me out”) to Love. Every time. You can express to him your fears responsibly, in moderation, so to be authentic with him, but let love triumph.

    anita

     

    July 27, 2017 at 3:07 pm #160580
    PearceHawk
    Participant

    Flossy,

    I’m sure that I can go on and on about this, and probably will later, but for now I would like to offer this. Texting is inherently problematic in so many ways. I have read studies that vary in conclusion but anywhere between 65-70% of texts are misunderstood. Texting depersonalizes communication, rendering human interaction one dimensional. Depending on what source you prefer to gravitate to, studies consistently sho that as much as two-thirds of all communications non verbal. All of that meaning-body language and facial expression is lost.

    As of late I have chosen to go cell phone free for much of the day. The liberation I feel by doing that is one that feels like I reconnected with a long lost friend. My advice is to get in touch with this person, face to face or phone, and say that you want to share with each other better ways to communicate, that texting leads to misunderstandings. This is not to say to eliminate texting all together. Just reconnect with that long lost friend as I have. It’s amazing.

    Pearce

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