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Taking the next step

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  • August 3, 2013 at 2:50 pm #39691
    Mahesh
    Participant

    Hi all,

    After 16 months of being in a wonderful relationship, my girlfriend and I attempt to move in together. We also got scheduled to work together for a month. Seeing each other all the time made things very difficult. After less than a month, I moved out, as she thought we might have jumped in a bit too soon. We are on a break this month, trying to figure things out. I love her a lot- even up until the end of June we talked about marriage and the future. I think that we were forced to be around each other 24/7 during a stressful time and that this is just her being scared. But I can’t make that decision for her. I have been writing a letter to her expressing my feelings. We have been on one date that went well, though we didn’t discuss the issue at hand.

    This has been eating away at me. I am trying to just focus on myself, but I can’t help but try to figure out what I should do. Even though I think I know what is going on, I cannot make decisions for her. If she has fallen out of love, I have to respect it. Should I talk to her, should I let her be, should I press her for a decision? These thoughts are keeping me from moving forward, where-ever forward should be. Any advice would be appreciated.

    August 3, 2013 at 7:04 pm #39707
    LisaS
    Participant

    Hello Mahesh,
    You sound like a very kind and considerate person. I read your post carefully, and I think that you just need to give her a little time to figure things out. There is truth to the saying that “absence makes the heart grow fonder”. Sometimes when you are together all day and the evening too, it is hard to feel like you still have personal space. Some people don’t require as much as others, and maybe your beloved needs a little more time to herself than the living/working everyday was allowing her. She may have felt a little claustrophobic.

    Try to give her some more time. If you can, continue to go on dates, keep it light and let the conversation flow naturally. Allow her to rebuild her confidence in the relationship and she may be the ones who starts the discussion with you.

    I hope everything works out for you!

    August 4, 2013 at 5:23 am #39725
    Mahesh
    Participant

    Hi Lisa,

    Sounds like good advice. It is not easy for me to not go after her, because I don’t want to lose the relationship. I suppose I have to acknowledge that it takes two people to be in a relationship. She has to decide what I mean to her. I will do my best to focus on myself and my life right now. Can’t say it is easy. But I will do my best.

    Thanks for the advice.

    Mahesh

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