Hi Giulia:

{{I am trying to feel compassion for her – I can see her hatred is probably her own hatred for herself, something she hasn’t been allowed to express. It has nothing to do with me.}}

Feeling compassion authentically is never a mistake. Trying to have compassion when it is not felt does not serve a useful purpose. When you rise above the behavior of others without feeling superior you are drawing from your inner wellspring. Keep drawing from it and you will not thirst.

Biologically, humans are mammals. However, we are distinct (not superior) in that we do not function primarily from instinct. We have capacities of self-awareness, self-responsibility, reasoning, logic, morals and ethics which other mammals do not. When you choose real compassion for one who is abusive towards you, you are in a stronger position to set appropriate boundaries and act wisely rather than from bestial instincts and emotions.

In ‘The Anatomy of Fear’ on Psychology Today, John A Call Ph.D., J.D., A. wrote, “Fear is an emotion we all experience at one time or another, and its effects are important to understand when talking about disasters…. The blood flows away from the heart and out towards the extremities, preparing the arms and legs for action. These effects served us well millennia ago, in situations where we were faced with beastly animals that thought they had found dinner.

“In modern times, however, bodily responses to fear can be detrimental, especially since the most important one is a negative one: the brain basically shuts down as the body prepares for action. The cerebral cortex, the brain’s center for reasoning and judgment, is the area that becomes impaired when the amygdala senses fear. The ability to think and reason decreases as time goes on, so thinking about the next best move in a crisis can be a hard thing to do…. These dissociative symptoms can make it hard to stay grounded and logical in a dangerous situation. Essentially, the body’s response to fear or stress can be stressful in itself.”

Dr. Call’s article is reprinted in full, with suggestions for self-empowered ways to respond to fear, on
http://www.wholehuman.emanatepresence.com/realizations-blog/how-to-recognize-the-great-deceiver

You have other options than to run away or fight, and only you can find the one which feels right. I suggest you first strengthen your inner core. Know yourself. Listen to the innate wisdom you were born with for guidance. Then act in ways that are true to you. If that results in separations, remain steadfast to being true to yourself and trust in life to see you through. This approach will best serve you to grow stronger and into the person you can become.

Write again when you feel and to ask for more specific suggestions.

Best to you,

Gary