You sound pretty low and I frustratedly understand why. After a 4 year search for the the holy grail of life I feel you have been looking to find not only ” the ” secret , but “A” secret to the elixir of life. The bad news is …in the physical sense of the word …it doesn’t exist..I know this because I too have been searching via the same route.
I have read ,listen to, talked about, sang about,asked about, and watched everything and anything I felt would give me a key or at least help me to find it in order to unlock the mystical path to contentment in life.
What I have found is that living in England it “rains” a lot… But without the rain we would not enjoy the true richness of the “green” grass..without the constant challenge to our comfort zone we would be sheep..life for those who don’t wish to be sheep following each other.. has to by its very nature… be challenging.
Growth inside can only come about by the pain of challenge..wether it’s physical or emotional. And I have found absolute understanding in the simplistic attitude of a little known book called “Dear Sebastian” it is the true result of a request made by young 34 year old Irish dad who after discovering he had terminal cancer ,struggled to come to terms with how he would leave his young nine year old son without fatherly guidance . He wanted to find a way to teach his son the rules of life after he had gone. He decided he would create a book and he needed the participation of every successful person he could think of in Ireland . He wrote to the priminister, ,his cabinet , the leader of his opposition, the head of the bank of Ireland, the head of the brewing giant Magners,race horse owners,famous sportsmen and women,actors ,poets,artists, dancers (Michael flatly ..river dance), TV personalities ,singers,talkers, and really anyone who had made a success in and of their lives.
The young dad asked these people if they would write a short letter as a contribution to a book of letters explaining the secrets to their successes in their lives. This would serve as a legacy of guidance to this dads 9 year old son.
To the dad’s absolute belief in the power of love and compassion they “ALL” in due course replied….they each had some amazing answers and suggestions as to their successes in life and the book is available from amazon and most other book stores., however the letter which resonates with me every single day and gives me the belief that life can be truly wonderful in the end ,even though you feel lost at times and your faith in life seems to be consistently challenged . is as follows….
A famous tv executive having a drink with his friend after a days fishing started to ponder…he turned to his friend and asked the question…”what’s it all about .?”
To his amazement and quick as a flash his friend replied…” Oh that’s easy..it’s about doing the right thing ” without thinking the first guy said
” yeh but how do you know. Your doing the right thing..?” To which his friend confidently replied … ” that’s just it you always know…! ”
So Charlotte if you are wondering the relevance of my response …here it is …I am in my 53rd year of a trust challenged life suffering from childhood trauma of various kinds some so unpleasant I’m not sure how or why I got this far..but what I know is this the success or failure of my life can never be the responsibility of anyone else but me ..,and I can not go through my life saying ” I’m not where I want to be because of him , or her, or anybody, cowards do that and that ain’t me. All my life in my struggle for self acceptance , I truly believe with ” all ” my heart that doing “the right thing” wether the right word , the right thought , or indeed the right action , can and will eventually lead to an experience of life which will eventually lead to an acceptance of love….love of thy self because you will only do the right thing no matter what it is.
I have been involved and worked tirelessly to create a family business for 10 years. I tripped and fell many times in my quest to find my self worth in my world and have come to an unplanned fork in the road where I have been ousted from the business , the marriage, the parental role and above all a secure or so I thought.. future.
Sometimes in life the universe conspires to make the decisions for us that we refuse to.. And it sometimes as painful as it can be has to do with the betterment of the people we love as well as us ourselves .
So provided you fix in your mind to always be mindful of doing the right thing….then eventually the universe will absolutely find you and give what you’ve been seeking for so long…you just need to recognise it when it comes.
Love and warmth wrapped in a hug
Sean