Hello everyone,

I suffer from the worst type of PTSD medically possible because I suffered years of abuse from my family. I have distance myself because I got tired of the abuse and the abuse no longer occurs. However I am still suffering from severe PTSD and flashbacks. I am unable to leave my home and go out in public because going out in public triggers flashbacks of painful events from my family. I exhausted every treatment option available in the United States where I live. I tried every medication and every treatment available for my condition for 18 years and did not improve.  I even went to EMDR therapy and that actually made me worse and not better. I went to a university clinic and the Doctor Who specialize in my condition told me I will have to go abroad for a treatment where they do have treatment available for what I have that is very effective. Unfortunately this treatment is very expensive and it is also expensive to travel there. There are no alternatives this is the only way I can get better. I’ve tried a lot of things and I am getting worse. I will have to save up my Social Security money to get there because I have no family nor friends to help or support me. I am unable to go out in public and make friends or even talk to a support group online because it triggers PTSD episodes very bad. I only feel comfortable talking on here. I have to stay home until I get treatment because on unable to work drive or even go to school because it seems like almost everything triggers my PTSD. I’ll have to make a lot of sacrifices to go get treatment abroad but I know it will be worth it and this will be a time of growth for me emotionally and spiritually. I feel like it’s OK for me not to have friends because I’ve had too many people traumatize me in my life would rather prioritize my healing and self-care at this time. Unfortunately when the clinic abroad that I will be staying with for about a month next summer told me I will have to pay about $4000 to stay with them and get treatment. And then it will cost another $1000 to fly to the country where I need to get treatment. I realize that I can no longer afford to keep most of my pet snakes anymore. Their food costs $200 a month they eat rats I had nine of them and I couldn’t afford to keep anymore. Two of the snakes had serious illnesses needed a veterinarian and I could not provide that for them because I was hit with this expensive trip to get help sometime next summer. I was very bonded to my snakes they helped me with my PTSD however I didn’t want to make them suffer and insure their survival and was forced to give them to a rescue. I am very depressed because I was very bonded to my boa constrictor Zeus he gave me a lot of comfort and I knew he loved me ever he developed a very serious fungal infection he could’ve died from I had to call the rescue right away to take him away because I have to prioritize getting myself some help. Please be mindful there is nothing else that can be done for me except getting on an airplane and getting myself to the clinic in Spain and staying there one month. I feel very depressed because I had a very special bond with my boa constrictor whom I love very much you comforted me and I also love my other snakes very much and very sad I had to part with them. However I had to prioritize their welfare in survival because I’m not in a financial position to keep them anymore.  However for the time being I was able to keep one of my smaller ball pythons which is the only snake I kept because I felt like I needed one of my snakes to help me comfort me through my loss and grief. I am thankful I kept my smaller ball python Rocky but very depressed I had to give up the rest of my snakes.  I love them like children and felt very attached to them. However I had to prioritize their welfare and surrender them to the rescue so they could get food in veterinary care that I could no longer provide. However I did keep Rocky my smallest ball python and I’m thankful that I did keep him to comfort me for right now. I can afford to keep Rocky because he is smaller and his care is less expensive. However I am grieving having to surrender the rest of my snakes to the rescue. How can I cope with this and is there any spiritual practice I can do to help me get through this difficult time? My doctors told me to mentally prepare myself to go abroad to get help. I will be able to go but it take several months to mentally prepare myself to go out in public to get on an airplane.