I only just saw your last message, you’re most welcome. good luck to you and again, come back any time if you feel the need to.

Allicia,

It feels to me like our society expects people to be leading a life that goes something like: go to school, enter higher education, get a job, create a family, buy a house, settle down. There’s so much pressure during our teens to know EXACTLY what you wish to do and have your life sorted there and then. Actually, things rarely work out so simply, and I wish they didn’t reinforce that idea!

Many people study something only to find they no longer enjoy it. Or 15 years later, realise they want to change their job and start afresh. People do this at all ages, and it’s totally okay to go in a new direction. The time you’ve spent studying so far won’t have been wasted – while you mightn’t be using the architecture skills you’ve learnt, I imagine you have grown as a person since you first started. You might not feel like you have any other skills, but no-one does until we go out and learn them! 🙂

You aren’t all alone if you don’t finish, although I understand why you feel that way. I’m a little older than you and haven’t even been to college, but many of my friends from high school have since finished their studies. I feel so left behind sometimes, like I’m not at their ‘level’ in some way. But actually, it’s not fair on ourselves to compare our lives to others. Everyone is going at a different pace, on a different trial, and there’s no finish line to cross. The hurry you feel, I have felt too, but I’m starting to see the pressure isn’t really there. It’s my life, and I’m going at my own speed, learning new things, making mistakes, changing direction always. As long as you’re always moving towards what you makes you feel content with yourself, that’s what matters.

I’m new to replying on here.. I hope I’ve not got carried away or misunderstood anything, and I’m terribly sorry if I have! Am excited to read more of your posts.

– norit

Allicia, your feelings are most definitely valid, and you are not crazy. Your feelings, your needs, your desires – everything about you deserves to be taken seriously. I’m incredibly sad to hear you’ve been doing a course that makes you feel so deeply unhappy. You deserve to be doing what you enjoy, and following the life YOU want to lead.

But it’s also made me happy, seeing your last sentence – you’ve said you are ready, and you sound ready. You’ve said, “maybe I can have that grace and forgiveness for myself to just move on right now. And to validate my feelings and take them seriously.”
It sounds like you are already starting to take your feelings seriously, even if it’s just a little.

It’s much easier in a fantasy world, isn’t it? 🙂 I have a habit of falling into fantasy too. At first I thought it was a coping method to help me deal with the sad feelings, but now it’s helping me put off facing the reality that’s so scary. I don’t know if you can relate to that at all?
It is scary, but can also be wonderful, and everything in between. I think it’s just about having some faith in yourself, that you’ll be able to cope with everything that comes your way.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 2 months ago by norit.

Dear Allicia,

I am glad that you now have a better understanding of what you are scared of. I does make sense for you to feel scared of being abandoned as a consequence of your actions now, because you were scared of that as a child. It is a deep rooted fear for you. I think it is great that you have decided to decide for yourself and deal with that fear. Trust yourself and start to see yourself as the person who knows best what’s best for you.

Considering your background with your family, it is only natural that this should be very scary for you. Like you said, you are used to ignoring your feelings and preferences and not feel or want anything, because of that fear of being left alone. So now that you are starting to get in touch with what you want and feel, that fear wakes up as well and tries to warn you from this, because you perceive it as a great danger.

Post here anytime you want, this process might take a while before you reach balance, you might have good days and not so good days in the meantime. If you can see a therapist during this period it might be a good idea as well, because a good therapist can provide you with that support and help you to not feel alone.

That’s great Allicia!
Good luck with that, come back to update or share anytime you need to.