Suffocated by negative thoughts & helplessness

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This topic has 5 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 2 months ago by Dhriti.

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September 16, 2014 at 3:41 am #64930

xiaojia
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Hi,

Firstly, my apologies for this lengthy post and if I sound incoherent in my writing…

A 34 year old lady from Singapore, I think I am suffering from a quarter life crisis at this very moment 🙁

I have had inferiority complex, low self-esteem and confidence since young which I attributed to the fact that I have an elder sis (we are of the same age but nope, we are not twins) who excels both in school and at work. I look up upon her and admire her for achievements in life. There’s no way I can achieve what she has attained. And somehow or rather, it brings upon me a huge amount of stress and unhappiness.

After having worked for the past 14 years and losing direction in life, I felt I needed a rest and took a career break in late 2013 till now and traveled a little around the region. During this period, I come to realize that I love travelling and would love to do it full-time and eventually migrating to Australia or NZ. I know it is a very unrealistic dream. To tell the truth, I have no courage to embark on this dream too. It doesn’t help when everyone whom I discussed my dream with strongly disapprove to it. I was being told repeatedly to face reality and be practical. Find a stable job, get the monthly income and work till retirement. There’s no security and stability if I ever become a full-time traveler.

Also, I reckon it will be very tough for me to migrate overseas. Even with a Business degree, my occupation is not in demand or shortage in the countries I want to move too. Hence, I was thinking of making a career switch to become a preschool educator, a job which seems to be in demand in Aust/NZ and might be my ticket to migration in the future. I like kids but I’m not 100% interested in becoming a teacher and the thought of studying and taking exams again is putting me off.

I really have no idea what I should do now. I know I need to find a job soon but it seems difficult to get a job after a long break from work. Scouring through online employment websites gives me jitters. I can’t help but think I am not good enough for any job and given my age, it is difficult to compete with younger graduates.

I’m being consumed by fear, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. I just want to feel happy again….

September 16, 2014 at 6:56 am #64935

marie
Participant

Hello,

First of all I am very concerned to hear that you have suicidal thoughts. I am sending you all my love and warmth from Manchester England and I want to tell you that I believe you are very brave to post this and even braver for trying to pursue your dreams.
Sometimes the people in our life love us but because they are scared of taking risks and follow their dreams themselves they tell us that we can’t follow our dreams !! They are wrong – trust your guts and your instinct !! Make new friends with people taht share the same passion as you and will inspire you in the positive !! I think what you did is awesome and I do not see why you could not travel again.. Other people definition of what is acceptable is that and only that THEIR definition NOT YOURS – You can create your own happiness and reality with its good and bad like all of us but I believe you should follow your heart and believe in yourself !!! I am 36 years old and I have a lot of dreams similar to yours and I will not let anyone tell me they are unrealistic. it is their belief not mine! If you truly want something go get it because even if it does not work out the way you want you will learn , grow and more importantly you will be doing, living, breathing your truth 🙂 You are beautiful, brave and please do not compare yourself to your sister she is following her path and it is simply a different path from yours. start following yours even if it is a less traveled path.. to me it is even better 🙂 Just be you ! Only compare yourself to previous version of yourself and never to anyone else !! with loads of love and positive vibes sent for you. Life is beautiful and so are you, embrace all that you are and believe in yourselves and find people who will support you and be enthusiastic like you about travelling, growing doing different things 🙂 kisses,Marie

September 16, 2014 at 9:13 pm #64999
Alana
Participant
I too send love from Canada

Though I cannot say for sure. Do you think you have things backwards? Let me see if this makes sense.

You mentioned you have been working for 14 years and decided you had to take a break. It sounds like you were either dreading or stressed from it without realizing all these years. No worries because I’m sure being in business you must have made a good amount of salary 🙂

Did your job have time for you to relax for vacation and holidays? Your desire to be a full time traveller occurred in the year you were on the break, maybe a big part of this is more about finding a job that allows you to have relaxation time.

When a person first begins dating, he or she may fall in love with the other since the feeling is so new. He or she may have thoughts of marriage and put their lover over friends and family. Rarely thouh do people marry their first relationship. By this logic you were so unhappy with your job that when you did relax, it felt like travelling was the only way to do this and you were lovestruck.

instead of living as a traveller then finding a job, maybe find a job that lets you live like a traveller. I say this because it sounds like you would be forcing the teaching job to work.

Don’t rush this plan. Think about it more. If our mind is overwhelmed with negativity we can’t judge well. In all honesty, I think you should first dedicate another amount of time in working with your self esteem and suicidal thoughts with a therapist.

Your parents aren’t trying to attack your dream, though I would find it annoying if they told me that. I think they are just worried you are rushing too quickly. You have lots of time to plan this.
- This reply was modified 10 years, 2 months ago by Alana.
September 18, 2014 at 4:14 am #65147

Dhriti
Participant

I dislike my dad a lot. He iz very narrow minded and is always away from us. He only loves his work and is always angry towards us. A month ago I went to India with him and bought gifts for families, which one of the family members complained that it was not proper. So yesterday he rang us and shouted on the phone whilst having dinner. Because I was with him all my family members are blaming me for wrong gifts. He didnt even let us eat yesterday or ask us if he has eaten. My mum cries everytime he rings…and my boyfriend said he wants no relationship with me due to my family matters. I wish him all the best and want to run away from my family…please help

September 18, 2014 at 11:51 am #65165

Ghaz
Participant

Hi Dhriti
You should simply move out, away from your parents. You are an adult now…don’t feel guolty or any, negative thoughts to stop you from living.

So keep busy living or keep busy dying….you only get ONE chance at Life. The rest yours decide. Your dad is human notGod , not a monster who will eat you and kill you!!!! Just pack up and leave.

Good luck!
Ghaz

September 18, 2014 at 5:42 pm #65182

Dhriti
Participant

Ghaz

Thank you for your comments. I have planned to move away and applied for jobs in another cities. But it is becoming very expensive to move out and I do not want a single penny from my dad. Until I don’t get my finance sorted I rely on my mum.

But in few months time if I get the job I am moving away and will call my mum too. I just want a peace of my mind internally, which is where I struggle. I am losi g faith in love and relations. I just spend time with my friends and myself! I hope I am not going into depression…
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