Home→Forums→Relationships→Sudden change in feelings
- This topic has 4 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 9 months ago by RC.
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March 20, 2015 at 8:25 am #74182BenjaminParticipant
The past 10 months with my girlfriend have been the most transforming of my life. I didn’t realize I could love someone in this way. She is now 3 months pregnant. I study counseling and have recently discovered something major about myself. Due to outside conditions of worth I have been put down and been beating myself up my whole life. I found out that I don’t like myself because of the way I have been programmed throughout my life.
When I realized this something switched in my relationship. I felt I was unable to feel love. The most intense and true love I have ever felt suddenly changed. It has frightened the life out of me and sent me into a spiral of self hatred and panic. I’m meditating daily to calm myself which is getting better but I feel I can’t connect to her as I could in the past, I’m scared of being intimate with her and its destroying me. I feel vulnerable and unable to love her like I did which she is picking up on. Kissing and cuddling feels forced. It’s terrifying me how this has changed so suddenly. What has happened. I’m very frightened and living in fear.
March 20, 2015 at 9:40 am #74186John WParticipantYou should share this with her, as she most likely already senses your fear. Start by letting her read this.
If you don’t tell her, then your relationship will likely fall. You may extend it for some time as a co-parent , but that will be harmful in the long haul.
I would imagine that even if she decides to exit she might still be helpful as a compassionate friend. Personally, in your place, I would accept that.
While fear is understandable and not abnormal, I don’t think any symptoms here is terminal. You will work through is as you will. And as long as you own your journey, then you will have the respect and help and love of others.
I am no expert, so just take this opinion with a grain of salt.
Good Luck !March 20, 2015 at 9:58 am #74189BenjaminParticipantThanks for your opinion. I’m feeling like my realization has brought up a fear of intimacy for me. I have been through some very difficult emotional turmoil in my life. I have been sitting with my emotions since the first post and I feel the anxiety arises when I imagine being intimate. This is whats difficult for me because I love her. I feel this is also merged in with a lack of self love for myself disabling my ability to truly love and be loved. I had a very difficult childhood.
March 20, 2015 at 10:07 am #74194WillParticipantI second the advice to talk to her.
I also think you might be psyching yourself out a little. This only came up when you studied counselling and the potential problems people from difficult backgrounds have, right? Well, you should know that there are also many people with difficult childhoods and traumas that lead pretty ordinary lives.
If your self-esteem is an issue then that’s worth working on, for sure. But don’t assume you’re unable to love just because you don’t like yourself. You don’t have to be enlightened before you can love someone else. You just need to be willing.
Good luck.
March 20, 2015 at 10:51 am #74196RCParticipantDear gramps,
Imagine if she had a sudden change in feelings, what would you want her to do? I agree with Will and John, you must talk to her. Whether or not she takes it well or understands, you want to be the kind of person that speaks their mind and speaks their own truth no matter what. Be patient and as eloquent as possible, try and make it about you. “I am feeling really fearful of intimacy, I’m dealing with some difficult emotions and wondering how my childhood is involved. Can you help me? Let’s work through this together.”Good luck. Be kind to yourself! Thank you for posting.
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