Hi Zoe,

I hate situations like this. You sound like a good, intelligent woman who is probably really good at your job. I don’t understand when power and drama have to be put between the work that you do.  Management wants us to do good work, and these types of unnecessary drama prevents us from doing good work.

Maybe this feeling is a sign that you should find another job, but there is definitely a balance in the job search and enjoying your free time. Just imagine having a job where you can actually be happy at the end of the day. When my job situation was in question I got a lot of pleasure out of going on Craigslist at the end of the end of the day and just seeing all the possibilities that are out there, and then perhaps choosing one “great” job, and then thinking about the cover letter the next day, really honing it throughout the morning, applying to one a day. Focus on the hope of a fresh start and all the possibilities that are out there and not the drama as much as possible.

In the meantime, I find the most happiness by pretty much ignoring all drama. Just not responding to dramatic exchanges as much as possible, not inserting ourselves into the drama.

Dear ZoeAlia:

It is a very good thing that you have a supportive partnership with your husband. Hope you keep working with him on effectively solving problems, small and big, on an ongoing basis. Having a hostile-to-you powerful group in the workplace is a big problem. A powerful group vs an individual reads hopeless to me; I don’t see a solution to such a power disadvantage.

anita

Hi Zoe,

I read somewhere the way to deal with group power is to try to take the group apart so that you can work with each individual. Perhaps instead of looking at them as an entire group, you can try talking to the individuals to see if there is anything that you can do (professionally) to make work better for yourself. Maybe you can even go out of your way to help out on a work task or send a funny email so they see you in a different way. Hopefully you can begin fading out of the drama and into the promise of a better job instead of being locked in there.

Hi Zoe,

I can relate to the toxic atmosphere as I have faced this in my past team too. Actually I was also bullied in school so I wasn’t very comfortable standing up to people even until recently. Self esteem is an issue for me. So it is not very easy to ignore such behaviour.

The problem in such situations at work is that it feels like high school all over again just that the people are different. I struggled for many days at work as they created drama, sniggered as I walked past and created all sorts of rumours. Because I was good at my work and didn’t  participate in their dirty little cliques, I was the target of their horrible behaviour even more.

There was a time when I seriously considered changing jobs. But we can’t just do that every time someone does something to us. One thing that helped me was the knowledge that their power over me is only one thing – my reaction to them. It is easier said than done, but simple really. It was tough at first but eventually one gets used to the fact that nothing is wrong with us, they are insecure and hence try to bring us down. Maybe they are just mean.

Try to look for better options, but meanwhile just be comfortable with yourself. There will be specific feelings that they make you feel, focus on what it is. For me, it was shame, guilt etc from high school teasing. I focused on why it bothers me now and knew that it reminds me of then. Maybe you can see if there is a theme. Try to feel good as much as you can and continue your work till the time something better opens up. I am glad you have support at home. Just don’t give in to the provocation at work until it really affects your work. I am a woman so I know how mean women can get in such situations. Still know you are better than them and that is why they are trying to pull you down.

Dont take things personally at work and try your best to be yourself. Such people are immature, try to rise above them. Don’t give them the satisfaction of making you feel miserable. Hold on and good luck with your search. May you get a very good workplace soon which truly makes you happy.