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Struggling with the waiting

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Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
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  • January 18, 2015 at 7:12 am #71527
    Sunshiner
    Participant

    Hi All,

    This is my first post to the site, being hanging around for a while. I’m in a slightly complicated ‘non’ relationship at the moment and felt like I was struggling with the situation today. I met someone a year ago and we’ve recently reconnected again, we both live in different countries but he’s been offered a job in the country I live in. We’ve met up three times in the past few months and I’ve grown a lot of feelings for him. The thing is he’s not sure if he’s going to take the job or not, I’m kind of going through the motions of trying to not get my hopes up but also not being in such a negative state of mind in case it pushes away. I saw him at Christmas time but since I came back we haven’t spoken as much and I’m get myself worked up that he’s made the choice to stay and just isn’t telling me. I told him if he didn’t accept the job here I wouldn’t be able to continue a friendship with him as it would be too hard. I’m usually quite good but lately the waiting around is killing me. Today is a particularly bad day. We get on so well and have a lot in common, I wish he’d just take a chance. 🙁

    January 18, 2015 at 1:14 pm #71538
    Jodi
    Participant

    You have no control over his decision, but you do have control of your own thoughts and actions concerning the situation. My suggestion would be to invest in doing something kind for yourself. Instead of waiting around for him to figure out what he wants, go out and begin making some new friends and enjoying your life. The more you have going on in your own life, the less time you will have to wait for him to make a decision. If your own life is full and vibrant, you will find that his decision has much less impact on it. Best of luck!

    January 19, 2015 at 3:33 am #71583
    Sunshiner
    Participant

    Hi Jodi,

    Thank you for your response. You’re completely right, some days it’s easier than others. 🙂

    January 20, 2015 at 2:19 pm #71703
    Jodi
    Participant

    I can understand Sunshiner. I spent 5 years with a man who wasn’t sure. Less than a year after we finally ended things, he married someone else. I realized that it was me that needed to be clear about what I wanted and announce that to the Universe, even if it meant i stopped waiting. I now have a wonderful loving conscious relationship with a man that I could never have imagined before. It can happen! I’m proof! 🙂

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 2 months ago by Jodi.
    January 21, 2015 at 1:37 pm #71739
    Scottieflying
    Participant

    Wow, It’s like I could have written this myself… I feel for you!

    The only advice I can give is, if you have to beg, cajole, manipulate, incentivize, or any other thing like that, then it’s not real….. I’m learning that the hard way. If you are not offended by swearing, this is a great article: http://markmanson.net/fuck-yes

    However, the move to another country isn’t just about you, it’s about a job too, and about leaving behind things too… it’s not JUST about being with you, or not being with you, remember that.

    Good luck xo

    January 21, 2015 at 8:35 pm #71763
    Sunshiner
    Participant

    I don’t really talk to him about the whole moving situation, I know he must be under a lot of stress at the moment and has told me he’s suffering from lack of sleep and anxiety about it and I know as much as I tried to remain indiscriminate about it, my emotions would always lead me to being more ‘positive’ about moving, so I completely refrain from talking about it unless he brings it up. I only asked that he be upfront with me about it. I’ve had some quite bad experiences with guys just not being upfront and it’s made me quite obsessive about people being honest with me.

    I’m usually not this bad, but this week has being particularly rough, like they say – we must take it day by day. Don’t think about the future or the move or any of it – cross that bridge when I come to it. Think about now and today and myself making the best of today. I’ve got a dog – I should probably take some tips from her 😉

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