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Struggling with jealousy

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  • March 16, 2018 at 11:02 am #197705
    GrumpyToad
    Participant

    Hey Jas,

    Thank you for your insights, I have thought of befriending, but then I feel like that encourages more out of work contact and I’m not comfortable with that.

    I haven’t heard a perspective likes yours before so that is refreshing. She’s one of the only girls in the department so I can understand where you’re coming from. What sets me off is that she’s also become very, very close (as in they always hang out together and they’ll hang out in his car all the time during department wide get togethers) with another guy in thier department who’s married, which is boundary crossing to me. I understand everyone is different, but it’s still unsettling to me.

    March 16, 2018 at 11:12 am #197709
    GrumpyToad
    Participant

    Hey Anita,

    I wouldn’t want him to keep anything from me, that’s the problem. Because then that builds up a secret and it then feels wrong or forbidden when he talks to her and I definitely don’t want that. That’s probably the other big roadblock that stops me from saying anything, I don’t want that secrecy to come up.

    March 16, 2018 at 11:16 am #197711
    GrumpyToad
    Participant

    Hi Mark,

    I sincerely hope your wrong about the emotional affair, although that is my biggest worry.

    My problem is I don’t know how to differentiate my jealous feelings from what is actually normal? With the one incident that I know which he shared something personal, when I said it was quite personal and I was suprised that he shared it, he got defensive and said I like to share my life with people at work.

    March 16, 2018 at 11:50 am #197719
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear GrumpyToad:

    I understand your concern as you stated it to me. You may find my suggestion in my last post to you useful regarding another topic, another request from him that is true to you.

    Back to the issue: if you listen to him, as you have been, talking about the co worker, it doesn’t protect you from what you are afraid of. If he is attracted to her, and will cheat on you with her, it will not be because you didn’t listen to him talk about her. Maybe talking about her is only increasing his interest in her (in whatever context).

    And he knows about your jealousy, you have told him before. It is possible that he is telling you about her because he knows you are jealous. Maybe it makes him feel… special, desired.

    I think it is a good idea to request that he doesn’t tell you about her. Of course, it is your choice. I suggest you consider different possibilities. And then, examine, or test these possibilities.

    anita

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