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struggling with guilt

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  • August 25, 2013 at 4:51 pm #41153
    annaliese
    Participant

    so last night two friends and i went out to a frat party, but we didn’t like the scene, so we walked out. however, we were stupid enough to walk out holding cans of beer in our hands (yes, we are all over 18 but under 21) and we got stopped by the cops. i am now charged with an infraction for possessing alcohol while being a minor, which means it won’t go on my permanent record but i will need to pay a fine/attend a class, depending on what the court decides.
    i have told no one about this (i am an international student here in the united states) and i just can’t forgive myself for what happened. i have been a “good” student all my life, and i am extremely close with my parents, so this is a really really huge deal for me. i simply cannot call and tell my parents because they will worry so much and they don’t have the best understanding of us law, and also they can’t really do much about it anyway….also, the fine is worrying me because i simply don’t have the heart to ask my parents for a huge sum of money and getting an on-campus job (i can’t work off campus as i am not a citizen) is definitely not certain.
    i can’t stop beating myself up over this and i’ve just been crying on and off for the past twelve hours or so. i’m so scared that i will begin to hurt myself (it’s happened before) if i continue like this.
    (i’m sorry if this is incoherent and incorrect gramatically, i’m very upset as i write this.)

    August 25, 2013 at 6:52 pm #41157
    Matt
    Participant

    Annaliese,

    Good people sometimes do dumb things. I know how upsetting it can be to get in trouble with the law, and I’m sorry that it is so painful for you right now. Consider that only good people feel guilty for getting in trouble… if it didn’t matter to you, if you were a crappy person, you wouldn’t care. That you care enough to fall so hard over it means your heart is strong and caring.

    A MIP ticket is really not that big of a deal. In many states you can just attend a class or do community service without paying a fine. If you have to pay a fine, it will probably be less that $200. Its good to learn from our mistakes, but the fine or service will be enough… the guilt is unneeded.

    Just breathe, this will pass! If your head won’t stop cycling, consider screaming into a pillow, flailing around on your bed, jump up and down… get your energy moving again. Its possible the energy in you just needs release, and doing it in a safe way would be much better than cutting yourself or punching yourself in the brain. Remember even the best people did dumb things, its ok! I swear!

    With warmth,
    Matt

    August 25, 2013 at 7:16 pm #41158
    annaliese
    Participant

    thank you so, so, so much Matt – this helped me way more than you can imagine. thank you from the bottom of my heart.

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