Dear nycartist:

I never considered myself a liberal and I ignored politics before Trump. Now I am a liberal and I can’t ignore politics. Trump, a dictator-in-progress + the pandemic + accelerated climate change (the current intense,  prolonged fires and hurricane) + the civil unrest and  divisiveness– all these together make 2020 the single most mind boggling year, and by far, the most dangerous year in my lifetime.

You wrote that you shared your feelings about Trump on Facebook. I assume that you shared that he is to the country (and the world). One of your best and oldest friends confided in you that she has become a Trump supporter and that she “felt personally attacked” by you when you posted about Trump. You then toned down your messages about Trump, and following a post you made about Biden, another friend told you that she too felt that you were “attacking her and anyone who thinks like her”-

– these two friends.. they don’t feel attacked by Trump (The Danger). They feel attacked by a person pointing to the danger, saying: watch out, Danger!

It is similar to Trump attacking Fauci/ science who point out to the real and present danger (ex. the virus, fires), while encouraging the spread of the virus and the fires.

“on one hand, I feel so compelled to speak out as I feel this country is at a crucial turning point. On the other hand, if me speaking out can offend even my closest friends, I hate to imagine what others were feeling by seeing my posts”-

– personally, if my speaking out about the danger of Trump would make any difference in removing him and his allies from the White House and keeping him away, I would gladly offend anyone and everyone. I would gladly lose friends. I would gladly sacrifice much more than friendships for the betterment of the country and the world.

Problem is.. posting on Facebook and elsewhere, talking to people who support Trump makes no difference. Trump supporters will not listen to me or to you, or to Anderson Cooper or anyone on CNN. They listen to Fox News, just like Trump does.

“I have a very long history in my life of being told my opinion doesn’t matter, I don’t count, and to shut up. It’s taken me my whole life to feel confident in voicing how I feel. Now I’m feeling stifled again and like I have to  walk on eggshells… I just don’t know how to navigate these friendships which feel strained at the moment.. being true to myself or trying so hard to preserve these friendships.. perhaps we are not as compatible as before”-

– Your opinion matters, just not to Trump supporters, be it friends or otherwise. If your friends respect you, respect them back by not talking about Trump with them, set a No-Politics-Talk rule, for as long as you choose to talk to them.

You are welcome to share your feelings about Trump and the state of the country/ world here, in your own thread, or start a new thread. You can state there, or restate here, as you have done, that you are not interested in a political debate, that all you want to do is to express your feelings, your anxiety and invite other members to do so as well.

anita

• This reply was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by .

Dear nycartist:

I am looking forward to be back to your thread Mon morning, in about 13 hours from now.

anita

Hi nycartist

I suspect many find themselves in a similar situations.

As a archetype the “liberal” is expected to be kind and listen to all sides and be kind when responding while the “conservative” gets to tell it as it is.  When a conservative offends that’s the offended problem when the liberal offends its their problem. That is of course a very general statement yet I suspect many may be offended by it.

For reasons I don’t fully understand we live at a time where the tenancy is to be ‘offended’ when we disagree.  To “take offence”.  “The Stoic philosophers taught that if you choose not to be offended by others’ actions, you will not be. An offense is up to your interpretation. Instead, treat others with kindness and assert your autonomy.” In other words to be offended one chooses to be offended.

I am not saying that your friends are doing this however a tactic (often unconsciously) to quite someone is to take on the role of being offended and victim.  It is also possible that your friends are offended because their is a part of themselves they don’t want to look at. Assuming someone isn’t intentionally trying to be offensive choosing to be offended is a great excuses to avoid checking in with whether ones values, actions and words are inline with who we think we are and stand for.

Just like your friends you have the right to express yourself especially if  you feel being silent is not being authentic to your self.  It is unlikely you will find a safe place to do so in these charged times. I hope you keep trying.

Sorry I didn’t indent to submit the above.

These are such crazy times

“The Stoic philosophers taught that if you choose not to be offended by others’ actions, you will not be. An offense is up to your interpretation. Instead, treat others with kindness and assert your autonomy.”

The stoics were saying that to be offended requires participation. Thus the one offended ought to ask themselves why they are feeling offended. Any answer requires a good deal of self knowledge.  Being offended because you disagree with someone is not a good reason to be offended and likely not the real reason.  Taking offence tends to be personal. I feel offended because what someone said or did was experienced as a attack on my sense of self, identify, ego….

In a better climate when someone is offended because of something you wrote a response saying that you are sorry that they feel offended as that was not your intent might be enough to smooth things over and you might even be able to ask them to explain what part of what you said offended them.  If its a disagreement you could have a dialog about that. If they felt what you said was a attack on their sense of self you could review your statements to see if your wording could have been interpreted that way and correct any unintentional misunderstandings,  however their isn’t much more you can do about that. In this case it is a opportunity of the offended to take a inward look at themselves to determine what they are attaching their sense of self with and if that truly represents them. If they can do that they would be better able to enter back into dialog.

These are difficult times for dialog. Everyone is offended it seems all the time. Its hard. When my family and friends defend, support and give their loyalty and support to a Man who’s character I don’t think deserve such loyalty its hard not to feel and look at them differently. I’d like to say I could do so with compassion while still standing up for what I think and value. I like to think I try but if I’m honest I tend towards being silenced. I suspect what is happening to our society is not about politics.

We tend to create what we fear when we are blind to our shadows and it takes work to shine the light on ourselves let along for others to see. I am at a loss