Struggling with anxiety

New Reply

This topic has 16 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 4 months ago by Csihdu.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 16 total)

1 2 →

Author

Posts
October 4, 2016 at 11:20 am #117173

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Julie:

Welcome back.

You wrote above about your therapist: “She has made it clear how toxic my family are and that I did right walking away from them but she likens me to a traumatised child who has been abandoned and hurt time and time again and she said I continue to be hurt when I allow my mother or sisters to contact me or my children. Which she is probably right.”

My question: do you still have contact with your mother? If your answer is Yes; why are you still in contact with her?

You wrote: “I have made it clear (to your therapist) that I want to work on the agoraphobia not focus on PTSD and the past”

My comment: the agrophobia and PTSD symptoms and any other anxiety related symptom you are suffering from, all have the same root cause, so Agrophobia and PTSD are not separate issues that need to be worked on separately.

One more thing: regarding your anxiety increasing while in therapy: part of the therapy should be teaching you emotional regulation, that is ways to calm yourself; it is about gaining insight (which brings about anxiety) slowly and gradually enough so the anxiety doesn’t overwhelm you.

Waiting for your reply.

anita

October 4, 2016 at 1:11 pm #117185
Peter
Participant
There is an art to forgiveness. Many feel that if they forgive they are saying that what happened to them was ok and that they now must allow those who have hurt them back into their lives. But that is not so.

Forgiveness can create the space for the wronged to move forward from the experience.

For a word that is often used it is surprising how little the word forgiveness is understood. Don’t let your heart harden and in hardening keep everything bottled up.

I found the following book on Forgiveness quite helpful.
The Art of Forgiving by Lewis B. Smedes

“Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future.”

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. Lewis B. Smedes
- This reply was modified 8 years, 6 months ago by Peter.
October 5, 2016 at 4:59 am #117245

Libby
Participant

Hello Anita

I have very little contact with my sisters and mother. Only recently has there been some contact as it was my birthday and my daughters within a week of eachother and my mother and sister turned up to bring us gifts. My younger sister blanked our birthdays which is fine but she did contact me a week after my birthday to ask for my Grans address to send her a birthday card (my grans birthday is the same day as my daughters) which I completely ignored. I just feel sad that she still tries to hurt me in her own subtle ways. OTher than that there is no contact with family, I have cut myself off. Removed myself off Facebook and any other social media they were following me on.

Yes, I hate all the labels she has given me. I just need to treat PTSD as anxiety, it all comes under the same umbrella it’s just that mine has been caused by a traumatic event when my brother terrified me then my family bullied me for 2 years after.

I feel lost. I had therapy today and have come away from it crying and feeling worse about myself. Today she listened and let me get out how I am feeling. I told her since therapy my anxiety and mood has got worse and I seem to have lost all hope of overcoming my anxiety and agoraphobia this time. She said therapy can do that early on as you discuss your traumas. I talked to her today about how awful my agoraphobia is and that I am avoiding a blood test I really need to get done as I have been ill a long time. I need an eye test as I am having some issues with my eyes but that instinct I used to have when I overcame agoraphobia in 2013 just isnt there. This time it’s like that inner voice of confidence has gone. I couldn’t walk into a doctors surgery now, I have a huge brick wall I just can’t get over this time. She just said I had to do imaginable exposures at home of the things i fear, belly breathing exercises and EFT. It’s making me wonder if this will help at all. I know from last time it was acceptance, real exposure work doing a fear hierarchy that helped me. This time I have so much fear I am struggling to even work on that right now and I told her this. I am wondering if therapy isn’t for me as will she even help and can i afford to throw £40 a week away to be told to belly breathe and do imaginable exposure? She is good in that she’s explained to me now about the amydalada and how the fear part of us takes over in our brain and the rational part of us goes offline, so she knows her stuff and it’s helped early on but now the last 3 sessions I have felt bad about myself for struggling and today she only gave me those tips and little else.

Sorry for it being a long reply.

Thank you

Julie

October 5, 2016 at 5:01 am #117246

Libby
Participant

Lovely words, thank you for sharing them with me Peter. I fully understood. I do feel like a prisoner for what my family did to me.

Thank you

Julie

October 5, 2016 at 6:59 am #117250

Peter
Participant

I was thinking about what you wrote last night and an image come to mind of someone who was not just stuck but blocked. Not to be crude but the word that came to mind was constipated. Perhaps the difficulty in letting go of past experiences was in away leaving you mentally and or emotionally constipated.

I then saw an image of you as a freely running river, someone who was able to allow their experiences to move through them, taking in the nutritious parts of the experiences and expelling the rest. I know it’s odd.

Part of the practice of ‘alchemy’ required the alchemist to enter into the task they are performing. That as the various metals were melted so they could be purified they experienced the purification within themselves. I am a firm believer that when we enter into a physical practice of some kind in this manner we can transform our inner being as well. (I used ballroom dance)

This might sound strange but I wondered what might happen if you took some time by yourselves and tried one of those cleansing and detoxification programs while meditating on the process of letting go. That as you work on the physical you also work on the inner.

What might life be like if your memories could freely flow through you without them overly influencing your present?

I know it’s odd and I’m surprised I sharing these thoughts but what the hay, even if they just make you laugh, Nothing wrong with a good laugh.

Best wishes on your Journey.

October 5, 2016 at 9:36 am #117258

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Julie:

Regarding contact with your family: I hope you are okay with having no contact whatsoever, if that’s what it takes for your mental well being.

Regarding your therapy- obviously, it is not working. Your therapist may be too cerebral to be helpful to you. Fear is not something that can be understood and therefore eliminated. It is a force, a powerful emotion. You know that of course. It can not be rationalized and eliminated, and one strategy is not enough to manage it successfully.

Maybe a different therapist will be competent. This one may have the educational background, the book knowledge, the certificate but not the simple, basic understanding of what fear is.

Try to live your life one moment at a time; try seeing only the very next thing you need to do and not beyond it. Talk to yourself and treat your own self as if you were talking to a child who is scared. Be two people: a loving, kind, gentle and patient parent and a scared child. Be those two people-in-one on a regular basis.

Will you try that?

anita

October 6, 2016 at 1:48 am #117317

Libby
Participant

Thank you Anita

Yes I am ok with no contact, it hurts me more when they contact me, because it’s never pleasant. My mother wants to be in my life and the childrens but it’s on her terms, as and when she can see us. She hasn’t helped me once through my chronic ill health and I am learning to accept that and let go of the resentment and hurt I feel that she has yet again abandoned me again. I am now learning to let her see us on my terms, so when she says she wants to visit us on a certain day if I don’t feel well that day I will say no assertively and no longer feel I can’t say no. It has to be right for me.

I have seen 3 therapists the last 4 years. The first was awful, the second one was great but very expensive, this lady I am seeing now does know her stuff. She also has had PTSD but I don’t think she truly gets agoraphobia if I am honest. I am going to give it another session or two then assess how I feel.

My therapist actually said that, I need to treat myself as 2 people, I have a scared inner child which is the anxious part of me and she said that part of me is adult as I am a good parent to my children. She said because I have been abandoned and hurt all my life it’s why I struggle to not be this scared little child, my childhood was also full of trauma and I felt afraid growing up. Then my brother attacked my husband and me a year later it then brought to light this anxiety disorder that I’d had inside me all my life but it was more subtle before, now it is so intense. I did overcome things but a year ago I became ill physically and it all came flooding back hence the agoraphobia again. I worry about my health constantly and think negatively. My poor head and brain hurt and I am exhausted making my chronic fatigue much worse.

I bought a book on healing the Inner Child, I am yet to start it. I am wondering if I’d be better off giving myself my own therapy because I feel my therapist really doesn’t get how hard I find going out. Yesterday when I asked how I’d face my blood test in 2 weeks she said to do imaginable exposure and belly breathing. I asked how I’d do appointments again one day and she gave the same advice, yet I have this huge mental block and fear of the doctors surgery since I had the panic attack in an appointment last year. My fear is I won’t ever go back and face these places. I told her I had to do a fear hierarchy and then work through it physically, not just imagining situations I am afraid of. I then said the tougher ones like the doctors I could break down into smaller tasks to reach the goal of doing an appointment. I could walk up to the doctors building and stand by the door, the next time walk in a pick up a leaflet, the time after pick up my prescription, then maybe sit in the waiting room while my husband goes to his appointment….. She agreed they were good ideas but I feel it’s all coming from me. There is more to healing agoraphobia and now phobias than belly breathing and imaginable exposure.

Sorry, just therapy has definitely been frustrating the last few weeks. She did my anxiety and depression tests in July when I started seeing her, she said she would do them regular to keep an eye on my mood incase therapy was making me feel worse. She never did them again until I asked her to yesterday. My depression score was very low in July, it’s now crept up, my anxiety has lessened abit but my mood has dipped which I knew it had. I am not one for depression but I feel the therapy has made me feel worse about things. I know therapy isn’t easy and you often feel like quitting so I guess I should stick with it. I cannot put myself through starting again with someone else, dragging up my past, talking about that day with my brother again, it’s too painful to keep going through it. I think this lady is my last chance then I will work hard ont hings myself. I seem to know more than her at times and she has said I seem so knowledgeable on anxiety, she asks me often how I know certain things. I had to give my son therapy myself after the NHS let him down, and everything I taught him helped as he is now in school thriving. I know it’s in me to do it but I am stuck in a rut right now and feeling so down on myself. I beat myself up daily that I should be more active and exercising, out walking but I can’t due to my ill health. I feel I should be taking the children to all their appointments but I’m not which makes me a terrible mother I rely on my husband… I am so hard on myself and it’s getting me nowhere. I need a blood test just for an MOT to check a few things and I am worrying about my health a year on and want it doing for peace of mind, but my fear I will have a huge panic attack or faint infront of the GP terrifies me. He has said he will come to my house but I still can’t bring myself to do it. I need my hubby with me and right now he can’t get any time off work to be with me for it so until he can I can’t face it, but in the meantime it’s hanging over me. I have already put it off a month lol! I worry more about my health not having it done, yet am terrified to do it after what happened during a blood test last year.

Sorry to go of course there, my poor head is full of worries right now.

Thank you for your kind replies.

Julie

October 6, 2016 at 1:50 am #117318

Libby
Participant

Thank you Peter, that actually sounded really interesting.

I wonder how I might do some kind of inner cleansing myself. Any advice appreciated? I do believe I am all clogged up inside with negative energy and it needs flushing out of me. I feel flat, low and worried every day and I just want to feel better.

Thanks again

Julie

October 6, 2016 at 2:12 am #117319

VJ
Participant

Dear Libby,

For your issues I will suggest you to do EFT.
EFT or Emotional Freedom Techniques is useful for freeing yourself from any negative energy or emotions.
There are lots of videos and articles over the web explaining how to do EFT. Check them out, but if you are also ok with some tailor made EFT tapping scripts at a small paid amount then I recommend the below website.
This is a wonderful website for EFT scripts on almost every single issue of our day to day lives.
(http://tap-easy.com)
Got through the site and you will find things relating to your issues for anxiety, agoraphobia, panic attacks, etc.
Also, the owner of the site Sonal Pandey will respond in case you have any queries/questions/doubts.

Take care,
VJ

October 6, 2016 at 5:22 am #117329

Libby
Participant

Brilliant. Thank you VJ I shall contact them.

My therapist has suggested EFT and we did a session on it to help me face my anxiety driving my kids to school but she hasn’t since taught me how to use it daily for every day anxiety.

Thank you.

Julie

October 6, 2016 at 7:04 am #117331
Peter
Participant
The profile picture you picked to represent yourself shows you have been able to maintain an eye and connection to beauty even you have yet to realize it as part of who you are.

Let the image of the rolling waves of love create the space for you to realize what is already present within.

Deep peace of the running wave to you.
Deep peace of the flowing air to you.
Deep peace of the quiet earth to you.
Deep peace of the shining stars to you.
Deep peace of the gentle night to you.
Moon and stars pour their healing light on you.
Deep peace of the infinite peace to you,

Gaelic Blessing
- This reply was modified 8 years, 6 months ago by Peter.
October 6, 2016 at 8:24 am #117334

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Julie:

I read your post following mine attentively. You wrote that you can’t bring yourself to see yet another therapist and you will therefore give this one more time. Did you already tell her about your reservations, about her telling you that she will test you for anxiety, depression etc. regularly after the first July testing, but did not follow through… ?

Did you tell her that you have little confidence in her suggestion of only belly breathing and visualizing exercise (as I understood it) as adequate before your next blood test?

Express to her your honest thoughts and feelings- competent therapy has to be a place where you do express your honest thoughts and feelings about the therapist and the content of the therapy with her.

Another point: regarding the inner child/ parent ongoing exercise I suggested; you wrote: ” I beat myself up daily that I should be more active and exercising, out walking …” When you beat yourself up, that is the parent part of you beating up the scared child part of you. The parent part of you needs to be empathetic, gentle, kind, patient, always, with the inner child. Never beating her up.

anita

October 19, 2016 at 4:32 am #118480

Libby
Participant

HI Anita

Sorry for the delay in responding to you.

I did raise it with her but not until 2 weeks ago. No I didn’t tell her I didn’t think her suggestions were very helpful but I made it clear I was very afraid that belly breathing and positive thinking were not going to help me as it’s a real phobia for me now.

I agree, I am too hard on myself. I will start reading my inner child book and see if that can help me.

Thank you again for replying to me.

Julie

October 20, 2016 at 12:59 pm #118570

Anonymous
Guest

You are welcome, Julie. Anytime.
anita

December 1, 2016 at 3:58 am #121660
Kate B. Forsyth
Participant
You have my sympathy Libby, I feel your story and adore you for being such a strong woman.
These are my advice for you:
1. Try to forgive your family if you can but if you can’t for now then there will be a perfect timing for that. It’s better also to stay away from people who do you think might worsen your situation. Stay with those who understand you and no matter what, they will stay till the last.
2. Find sports, hobbies or something that interest you. Example fishing, or doing adventures, or playing badminton with your friends it can relieve your stress, it can help you surpassed depression.
3. Control yourself – it’s easy to tell you to control yourself but I know it’s very difficult to do but I want you to do it. No one will save you from that but you alone. This anxiety and panic attacks are created by our past experienced you have to make yourself believe that it won’t happen again. If you believe in Jesus then that would be nice, try to talk to him when you have time ask him guidance and peace of mind. You can feel it slowly that you are feeling good, in the name of Jesus Christ, there is no impossible as long as you accept him and have faith in him. Try it, there’s no harm in trying.
4. Make friends with people who can understand your situation – how? this conversation is a good start, you can find others that struggle before or with the same situation you have right now and they have successfully overcome it. There are communities out there that can help you and accept you like this website https://www.gofundme.com/ or you can find any communities that help people who have anxiety and depression. You can easily go back to your normal health condition when you make friends with them because they can relate to you, they felt it before or you can find people with worst condition than with yours so it could boost your self-esteem to forgive and move on and go back to your normal life.

Don’t forget your proper diet and regular exercise, find a way to be happy again these things can help you to move on.
- This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by Kate B. Forsyth.
Author

Posts