Dear moonshine90:

You wrote that you “have always felt like something is missing in me”

That when you were younger, you “always felt this deep longing for something”

“and I always told myself that this something would come to me when I got old enough to get away from my family”

Is that “something” -home: a place where you are loved and where you are safe?

anita

Dear moonshine1990:

It is interesting, how we view our parents. What I mean is, when you were a young child, I am sure you weren’t familiar with the term “emotional intelligence” and I am sure you didn’t think something like: “they don’t have the emotional intelligence to understand where I’m coming from.” It is at 26, after … 26 years of knowing them, that you express yourself this way. When you were a child, you probably simply felt hurt and very much alone, that is all. And you didn’t know why.

And the reason you felt hurt and so alone is because a loving connection with at least one of your primary caretakers was necessary for your physical/ emotional well being. Not optional, but necessary. When you grow up without it, you gain the weight, the height, go through puberty.. even start aging, but then you are still as hurt and alone as when you were a child.

A young child doesn’t see a separation between its environment and itself. Whatever the environment is, the child takes in as its brain matures, and it becomes part of the child. So that aloneness became part of you.

What To Do about it? One thing not to do is to no longer look for that loving connection with the people who rejected you for 26 years. I use the very “reject” because as a child and onward, you reached out to them repeatedly, and they didn’t see it, didn’t see you, ignored you, rejected your love for them.

What To Do… That loving connection, you still need it. It is still non negotiable. You found the feel of it with your ex boyfriend’s parents, but the relationship with the ex is over and so is the relationship with his parents (having been conditional on the gf/bf relationship between you and their son)-

This is becoming a long post, and there is no need to make it longer. You can take it from here, if you’d like, and we can correspond further.

anita

Dear Moonshine90:

Welcome back. It is okay with me if you’d like to talk more, absolutely. Regarding my background, here on this website I am a member, like you, only more active. I am not a professional psychotherapist, not in my personal life and not here. My understanding of people and life is based on what I call my Healing Path of over six years now, starting with my first competent therapy of a few years, daily work on my part then and following therapy, including on this very day.

anita