Dear Jacob:

The first thing that comes to my mind as I read your short post is to ask you: what is it that you did??? From the extent of your emotional pain, it sounds like you did some terrible things, things like hurting someone badly, causing someone severe injury. Is that what you did?

In the title of your thread, you mentioned “childhood experimentation“. Perhaps you are referring to sexual experimentation, one that occurred between you and another kid of about your age?

You are welcome to share about it if you feel comfortable enough to do so. Whatever it is, I will respond kindly to you, I promise.

Generally, in regard to what you did as a kid, ask yourself: (1) Did I hurt anyone, other than myself? (2) How did I hurt the other person/s? (3) If I talk to the person about what happened, will bringing it up hurt him/her? (4) Is there anything I can do to correct any part of what happened (ex., sincerely apologize, offer monetary compensation)?

I hope to read more from you, so that maybe I can help you- if only a little-  to resolve this conflict from childhood and ease your emotional pain.

anita