My best friend goes to a different university than me. She has a job, a large group of friends, internships, is doing well in her field of study. and she is constantly hit on or is told that someone has a crush on her. I am here at my school in a field of study that I’m not sure about (indecision has plagued me my whole life) and while I’m doing well academically, I feel like I’m lacking in nearly every other field. I keep in touch with my friends from high school and am working to form new friendships, but every time I talk to my best friend, I feel so happy for her but it’s tinged with this feeling of jealousy and that I’m falling by the wayside. I immediately feel guilty that I am jealous of her and end up beating myself up about it and coming up with explanations for why everything is happening to her and not me. My accomplishments pale in comparison to hers and all of the social stuff comes so naturally to her while I have to work at it. She’s out with friends all the time and has study buddies and workout buddies (any kind of “buddy” there is) while I have 2 friends who I would hang out with and maybe a couple of other gym buddies. I feel like I need more socially than she does (am more extroverted that is) and yet she has the huge social circle.

I want to be a good friend but at the same time, I want to start living too. I feel like if I pursue all the things that I want to do, I’ll lose my old friends, including her, so I end up doing nothing and watch as she kicks ass at what ever it is she wants. Basically, I’m scared to go after what I want out of fear of losing people, but when I stay where I am, I feel like a distance could start building over jealousy and resentment. I don’t know what to do. Do I risk losing touch with my best friend by changing who I am into who I want to be? She’s the person who I can talk everything out with, everything except this. She is always supportive of me and never rubs any of this stuff in. I haven’t told her any of this.