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Struggling to accept breakup and move on

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Viewing 5 posts - 16 through 20 (of 20 total)
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  • #81620
    Bonni_mor
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Thank you so much. I certainly will.

    Many blessings.

    Tay

    #81622
    Bonni_mor
    Participant

    Hi there Annie,

    You have no idea how much your contribution is appreciated. I’ve been needing to hear from someone who has had similar experience as mine. School has been tough but I’m trying to be tougher. Yes, he is a year older than me. And I know that we are really young and need to go through a whole lot more respectively, it just saddens me that we’ll do so apart. The reason we dated in the first place was because our values and standing on relationships were the same. We wanted to achieve our goals first before thinking about marriage and the like. But we wanted to do so together.We wanted to grow through things together. Or so I thought.

    I really doubt that I will reach out to him though. I don’t know about that. I think you’re stronger than me in that respect. He’s really cowardly and expecting him to give me answers seems like a dead end to me. I have just accepted that sometimes you have to forgive and accept apologies you never got. I also feel that should he want to return, it should be off his own accord. Uninspired by my initiative to reach out to him. That would be the only way I will know for sure that he is genuine. I’m not willing to compromise myself for him anymore.

    How are you right now though? Do you communicate with him/ are you friends?

    Tay

    #81623
    Annie
    Participant

    Hi Taymor,

    I am more than happy to share my words if it makes you feel any better. Try to find strength in your friends or come here when you are feeling upset, so that you can do well on finals. I totally screwed mine. It’s very sad when our dreams are broken. We are sad because we believe that our relationships had “potential” to be so much more and that we would achieve milestones together and that we will never be able to experience that. I really don’t like dating and prefer being in an exclusive relationship, so I understand your thoughts on marriage. Unfortunately, not everyone will share our thoughts and we can’t change how they feel. We may want to fix things, but we really can’t. We can work on ourselves and accepting things for what they are.

    You are stronger than you know. If you want to reach out, then that’s up to you. If you can give yourself closure and don’t care to ask then that’s fine too. I understand where you are coming from. Is it the fact that you already tried asking him so many times why he wanted to end the relationship before you guys actually broke up and he didn’t say anything? It’s so frustrating – I know. You feel like you know this person, but on their end, they think they are protecting us by not telling us the truth. I support your decision in not reaching out to him.

    I am doing a lot better and feeling really good, thanks for asking. It has been 3 months since our break up, but it was only 3-4 days ago that we spoke about why we broke up. He opened up and said some things about being stressed and anxious around me, but I know that isn’t the only reason. There are a lot of reasons, but I had to figure those out on my own by recalling events in the relationship. He told me that we could only be friends if I accepted that we would never be in a relationship ever again. I was sad and then I was mad that he never considered my feelings in any of our conversations. I always tell the truth and consider his feelings when we speak. Even after so much happened, I was still understanding and patient with the way he treated me. At times I am upset that I let myself go through that, but at the end of the day I am a better person and I will eventually meet someone who is compassionate the way I am. I asked him not to write to me anymore, but I will be seeing him at school in a week or so. How are you doing? What have you been doing to stay busy? Where is your ex now?

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 4 months ago by Annie.
    #81633
    Bonni_mor
    Participant

    Dear Annie

    It’s also been 3 months since our breakup surprisingly. I’m really just trying. I think my ex and yours were cut from the same cloth, and so are we. I’m just as compassionate, even after our breakup because even through all of this, I care for him. I don’t see anything wrong with that.

    I’m working on myself and learning to be single. I’m definitely not ready to date, I don’t think I will be ready for a very long time lol but I do look forward to the day that I am.

    I fortunately don’t see him at all for now. We were both studying in his hometown, and when he graduated and found work in my hometown, he moved there. So I don’t have to see him until I move back home at the end of the year. But I still have to face his friends and the 5 years we spent everywhere around this city. We made memories everywhere and everything reminds me of him. I actually live a couple of houses from his mom’s house (whom I was really close to) and I see her from time to time. Having to adopt the mentality that we are strangers kills me but such is life it seems.

    I think we will be okay though. We just need hobbies, or something we can be passionate about. Gravitate all this energy towards something good and uplifting for ourselves. I think that will be helpful.

    I don’t know if this is too much of a stretch, but I would love to know how you’re doing a couple of months from now. I’ll definitely return to this post to reflect on the progress I’ve made and say how I’m doing. I’ll keep you in my heart and pray we both find peace. This really has been therapeutic for me. Thank you.

    Blessings

    Tay

    #81653
    Annie
    Participant

    Hello again Taymor,

    Wow, the similarities between our ex’s are surprising.The fact that you are trying is the most important thing. I’m very happy to see that i’m not the only person who is still compassionate even if the other partner is not. I think we are cut out for a partner who is more mature and is open in talking about their feelings. I can’t be in another relationship where the person is shy and shut off. As much as I like shy guys, a relationship needs two people and needs communication. I agree, I can’t date for a long time either. Your relationship was so much longer than mine. I think you deserve to be happy and free. Do all the things you enjoy.

    I’m really sorry you have to stay in a place that makes you sad. It can be so difficult to relive the memories that are no longer there. I just avoid those places, but I might try embracing them and making new memories. I think it’s better to be single and alone than rather than alone and neglected in a relationship. Ah, being strangers. It’s so weird isn’t it? At what point do you pretend like nothing happened? hm.

    You are very intuitive, I will take your advice and join a couple new clubs. Please do the same for yourself. It’s not a stretch AT ALL. Please come back at any time to check in or even if you just need a friend to talk to. I hope you will find some peace and feel free. Take care.

Viewing 5 posts - 16 through 20 (of 20 total)

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