Hi everyone,

Like the heading says, I have been struggling for years. I don’t know what to do or where to start anymore because things just seem to get harder all the time. I don’t know how to be happy and I don’t know how to get motivated either. I never seem to have “wins” in my life anymore, and it makes me sad to feel like nothing will improve, because it doesn’t feel like it will. They say that you shouldn’t just focus on the bad things in your life, but I seem to have a lot of them, so it’s hard not to. There are two great things that I have in my life. I have two sons that I love very much but I worry that they will see how weak and powerless I feel at this point in my life.
I’m going to break it down in point form what my life has been like the past 4 years.

– My marriage ended 3 days after I turned 40 because of a cheating spouse.
– For at least a year, I struggled to accept what happened, and went through a period of depression.
– Because of the stress of dealing with a mean spirited ex in-law at work, I left a fairly well paying job I had for fifteen years.
– Since then, I have had 3 different jobs in 18 months that don’t pay well enough, and jobs that I want to get, I can’t even get an interview for.
– Without experience in other fields, I don’t know where to start to get into a different job. I’m tired of working in a warehouse environment.
– Financially, I can’t keep up with my bills anymore. I am under stress from this all the time, and now I am getting a lot of car trouble bills too. Everything keeps compounding.
– It has been 4 years since I have had a vacation.
– I seem to be getting sick too often and it is causing me to miss work and losing pay that I need.
– I have done some dating last summer, and it was nice to spend time with a woman again, but nothing progressed too far. I missed having someone in my life.
– I have elderly parents, who at first I leaned on, but now have become overbearing and over step their bounds regularly. We live in small city, and I am clinging to hold on to my house, so I feel trapped.
– Lost friendships that I thought were as important to them as they were to me.
– Have felt very isolated and alone.
– lost a lot of confidence and self esteem

I’m just going to stop there. It is disheartening because I don’t want my life to look like this. Since my marriage ended, everything just seems to be going in a downward spiral. I feel helpless to change things. I have trouble getting motivated or excited about the future, and I hate that my kids might see that. They are 14 and 12 year old boys. I thought my life would be different than this right now. I don’t want them to not be able to dream about a good future because they see what my life is like. I use to be positive. I use to be motivated and have dreams for the future.

I tried to be a good husband and I am a good dad. Ever since I was blindsided that day, 4 years ago, I am struggling to get back up again. I never chose this and it is frustrating that I am still dealing with the fallout 4 years later. I don’t know what to do anymore.