Home→Forums→Relationships→STRUGGLE MARRIAGE AND PAINFUL.
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Thondit.
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August 7, 2020 at 8:17 am #364056
AnonymousGuestDear Gregory:
Good to have you back here. You are kind. Please stay away from that woman. Don’t give people who are likely to harm you the opportunity to do so. She may be mourning now, crying but it doesn’t mean that her heart has softened, or that it will stay soft for long.
anita
August 7, 2020 at 8:54 am #364057
ThonditParticipantDear Anita,
Your advices are well taken and put into consideration as per situation and the length of the case studies by you Anita ,
I realized that I was living with an emotionally disturbed being mistaken and took for granted in within my agemate. I was an inconsequential engine in their family but since I was being underestimated by my mother in-law with her daughter and my estranged wife, I have rest everything in peace and their hands as they both wishes it to be.
In simple token I notice this marriage was not reasonable, calm, stable individual could have in his life. I would go and accepted any advice you give to me to be someone in the near future.
Most of the people are extremely disheartened talking about me on daily basis that this married has changed me to be different Gregory, due to trauma but “wapi”
Thou they are tried to dewitch me in so many way in order to be useless as per their heart desires which is a “lie” to them.
The only person I appreciate in my life is you Anita, you changed me for sure. You encourage me most often. Posterior to this people are saying: many people disrespect me and lower me down because : it is what I shared with them that they used to get back to bite me, so now I have limit communication with everyone I know in any ideal issues. (practical)
Anita, you nurture me into the right way now. Congratulations for the job you are doing on my thread.
My best wishes to you.
Gregory.
August 7, 2020 at 9:29 am #364062AnonymousInactiveThis is a very sad story and difficult for you McCloud Antonov. You describe a woman who has different goals in life than you have. Her goal is not to be married to you, not to be faithful, and to “party” which is what we call the overly using of drugs and alcohol where I live. You want her to change and you want a marriage that is good. What if this was wishful thinking? What if all the wishing and hoping and praying can’t make her change? You can stay in this turmoil for years and years hoping and wanting her to become the wife of your dreams. She wants her freedom.
What you tell your son is that your wife, his mother, wanted her freedom and not to be married any longer. This doesn’t mean you were a bad husband. We have to stop making this a catastrophe or the worst thing in the world. There is shame in your head I think that this woman would turn out to not want you as a husband. Sometimes our shame leads us to behavior that is bad for ourselves in that we chase what we can’t have.
Only you can decide what to do, how to handle this matter. If you stay married, you won’t be able to focus on the son and your pilot school program because you will be chained to the misery of wanting her to change and be a good wife. If you get divorced, you will feel other emotions, sadness, maybe shame as your culture says divorce is so bad, maybe loneliness, etc. You have to decide do you let go of this woman so that you can move forward in life to achieve your own goals, and perhaps find a new wife who has the same goals as you? Or do you stay in the chaos and the emotional turmoil of refusing to divorce her in the hopes that she will change. Even if she comes back, you will have all this anger and memories of how she has behaved. The way you describe her means a huge change in her to be a “good wife” to you. Some people just can’t be what we want them to be. Sounds like this woman just can’t be the kind of wife you want and need. I am sorry, I know this is really hard for you. I wish you the best.
August 7, 2020 at 9:32 am #364063AnonymousGuestDear Gregory:
You are welcome. I appreciate you too, thank you for being in my life.
“it is what I shared with them that they used to get back to bite me, so now I have limited communication with everyone I know in any ideal issues (practical)”- yes, we all know the experience of sharing something honest and personal with another person, and that person using what we shared against us, to hurt us even more. That’s a form of betrayal, as we trusted another with personal information, with our honest emotions, and he or she betrays us.
We have to be careful as to what we share with whom, and for what purpose. It’s wise to do so.
You wrote: “Most of the people are extremely disheartened talking about me on daily basis that this marriage has changed me to be different Gregory due to trauma but ‘wapi'”- if you want, you can tell me more about how you changed, and what is “wapi”?
anita
August 7, 2020 at 12:33 pm #364086ThonditParticipantDear Yellow Rose,
Wow this is more than beautiful, more than touchingly advise. I’m just speechless dear with all the nice insightful words you had vividly expressed out for me. Yes she is a kind of a human that doesn’t feel shame among other ladies. Thank you so much for everything you stated. You went beyond my descriptions,,, and hence I hope as you go through the scenario how was it? As you stated that I will be waiting for her hoping she might change her mind to come back for years and years. The thing is ” I don’t want her again,,,, I left that woman long time ago, especially last year 2019. Yes I’m back to my training school it is just due to lock down. By that time, it was the time for me to glanced an ally at that point in order to support me. Like Anita.
Yellow Rose, you said maybe there’s “shame in “me” that could be the reason the woman change her mind to be my wife!!! Would you mind to elaborate more for me about that sentence.
I’m a typical African man with radical honesty in my life. My estranged wife this prostitution was inheritated by her grandma who is currently in Canada due to that game,,,, which is her granddaughter is practicing now in juba street. I have gone through difficulties and a lots of thrones in my lives but I managed them amicably. I’m playing a different role Now as a man but for her case is no longer on my mind. Everything happened for a reason. God created me with purpose, I will do wonders on earth God wishes.
I came from a very clean family, with well respected being…… This is how I’m and I believe in God…. Yes you are right thou she come back I won’t be happy with her again. My estranged wife’s aunties , sisters to her own mother ain’t in their home respectively where they are being married. They both left their husbands, so the poisoned her to in order to her house. Who cares!!! I will marriage another kind hearted girl that could make a wife. It is only food that could be shared but not a wife. Its sound bad when I repeat myself, this estranged wife of mine doesn’t bother whether she is married or not. What she is yearning for is prostitution and move from man to man.
As I spoke to you now her biological father passed away in June this year but she doesn’t shows like father is not a lives. She is celebrating for the death of her death. Abusing her father.
No worries at the moment. I’m fine and I have already fixed out my problem.
All the best wishes. You are free to send any replies you feel like to be.
God be with you.
Gregory
August 7, 2020 at 9:52 pm #364128ThonditParticipantDear Anita,
My elephant, my Lion 👑 haha 😂.
You are like king Solomon, the wises man on earth.
Wapi mean where. That is in kwashili.
People say I’m changed due to that I don’t talk reality and that when I promise someone to him or her and failed to help him or her on time they will begin to misbehave and back bite me, that I have lie to him. You have seen this pandemic virus has control everything in the world wide where one is able to help someone but hard to do it on time.
It is not a worried to me because God knows how I will be , hence he will be there for me to support me on my path to overcome all the challenges to bring target into reality.
With more details I can still elaborate more to you as we continue to communicate here.
God bless you Anita.
Gregory.
August 8, 2020 at 8:56 am #364154AnonymousGuestDear Gregory:
Yes, wapi means “where” in Swahili (kwashili), so I googled. “unaishi wapi” means: where do you live?
People say you changed by not trying to help them on time, that before you helped them on time, but after the failed marriage and misery involving your estranged wife and her mother, you no longer try to help them on time?
.. if that’s what you meant, do these people help you sometimes, on time?
anita
August 8, 2020 at 9:49 am #364159ThonditParticipantDear Anita,
Yeah sometimes that what it mean but kwashili is a wide language. So I was trying to put in shange language meant slang one… But I can put it any way where if you google it you can find it per the way it is.
On the side of they people who talk about me……. These people had never helped me before just that they are bitter of my hard work and the luck that GOD gave me since from Day one.
They communities where I came from specifically Tonj in general,,,, is a dangerous place where by if they groups of people forms themselves to defame you in the eyes of others,,,,, they can do it. In order to spoil you to be useless person.
If you had other ideas where you can back me up ,,,, you can.
August 8, 2020 at 10:21 am #364162AnonymousGuestDear Gregory:
It is unpleasant at best and dangerous at worst when people are bitter that you make more money than they do through your hard work, and jealous they want some of your money! Defaming you in the eyes of others is one weapon they use against you, I am guessing, so that you will give them money (?)
What to do in this case , possible solutions:
1. Don’t let it show to others that you have more money than them (if possible), so to prevent their bitterness and jealousy.
2. Relocate to a city where more people make as much money as you do, or more- that way you will not be surrounded by people who are jealous of you.
anita
August 10, 2020 at 1:22 am #364276ThonditParticipantDear Anita,
Thank you for the suggestion you had put across. It a positive one and I see it will help me in this way. In this life, if you don’t have people who hate you then, u won’t go further. But the more you have challenges in life the more you become stronger. I don’t worry about their words they said about me.
Before I even knew what you was studying God whispered “presidential” to me. May God keep you and guide you all the days of yours life Anita,. May the enemy never hinder you if your is to lead the country you are in the future. I come into agreement if this is what you’re headed for! In Jesus name, you will heal and change people whenever you may go. You WILL do.. God’s work all the day of life and you and generations that will follow you will be blessed because of your obedience. Most of the people of this forum love you so much Anita. God didn’t whisper , you had a very clever feeling and u are right, you are very much that sort of woman I agree.
All praises to your parents who raise you up this wonderful blessed mama Anita . So inspiring that you’re not only the brightest so far amongst your batch but you’re the boldest servants of the Lord. You become adviser in all sort of lives now. You ain’t no longer a young one for birthday to be fixed date when to do your birthday….
“no more birthdays parties no more gifts moving forward. Mr. Muwonge Head Master of BUDDO SS where I was in my High school used to say; “to be at the top, you must have been at the bottom” I have seen that in you Anita. When the cock crows it don’t mean 6times, it means time to wake up.” so I have waken up for this people and the estranged wife too.God be with you.
Gregory.
August 10, 2020 at 8:05 am #364298AnonymousGuestDear Gregory:
Thank you for your prayer and blessings, you are very kind. I wish you and your son the best.
You wrote that Mr. Muwonge, Head Master in your high school used to say: “to be at the top, you must have been at the bottom”. Your bottom was getting involved with your now estranged wife and her mother, and now you “have waken up for this people and the estranged wife too”- and you are at the top. I wish you stay at the top and live a good life.
anita
August 10, 2020 at 8:42 am #364302ThonditParticipantDear Anita,
Sometimes life is unpredictable and predictable,,,, they assume that I will be useless my estranged wife always say which I will never be God wishes. When a soldier is going for a war zone is always prepared with well equipped makes sure he has enough bullets as a reserved. I’m capable enough to overcome anything they might apply whether jujus or which is witcraft they are good at.the power of God will never led me down.
I will be ready to reach to my destination especially my goal to achieve with my son. It will be literally paining in their heart that why did I go that far.
At the juncture they wish me to be vulnerable and become a begger which never happens in the eye of God.
I married her with one heart without looking outside for some other ladies. But she kept cheating me. God forbid this woman.
She is soon gonna regret in life. In this earth life will never be cheat. I’m also fade of their people who kept on begging me as if I still have their girl and they all know she left long time ago. Shame on them.
Gregory.
August 10, 2020 at 8:52 am #364303AnonymousInactiveWhat I said and meant was that perhaps you feel shame that your wife or ex wife has rejected you. The shame is how we feel. The act is what your wife or ex wife did. Like her behaviors mean you are less than or not worthy of her love. I am not saying this is how you should feel, I am saying perhaps your agony of thinking is that you feel shame about her behaviors. Her behaviors do not reflect upon your goodness unless you allow them to. Often we feel shame when we are criticized or rejected because it wounds us to our core belief that we are not good enough or the thinking that if we were a good husband our wife would not act this way. We can not control other people but we can take on the emotional burden of their behavior and allow it to chain us to unhappiness. To be freed from the idea that her behavior means something about YOU is a gift. Her behavior simply means something about HER, not you.
August 10, 2020 at 10:19 am #364310ThonditParticipantDear Rose Yellow,
Thanks for your input in this season of marriage story. I’m annoyed by her behavior in the whole community where we both came from. And perhaps she has got curses from the people she was with and her own father that passed on.
Luckily enough we remain strong and courageous due to the conditions I have gone through for a numerous of years. With the support you and I, shows that we are the winner, and hence we conquered their prevailing 😈 acts upon me.
Much love and appreciation to u dear.
Keep pouring advice to me.
Thanks
Gregory.
August 10, 2020 at 10:59 am #364314AnonymousGuestDear Gregory:
Indeed, “Shame on them”, shame on the woman who betrayed you (your estranged wife), and shame on the woman who betrayed her (her own mother). Keep you and your son protected from them.
“I’m capable enough to overcome anything they might apply whether jujus (a West African term, according to my googling, an object that supposedly has magical, or supernatural powers) or which is witchcraft they are good at”- good to read this, Gregory!
anita
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