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Stressball co-worker

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  • March 20, 2018 at 8:11 am #198335
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Charlotte:

    What you are saying is that in the context of the office you have two jobs, one for which you are paid and the other is a volunteer job. Job title: on-the-go-counselor for Sam. Specifically, being a place for her to “dump (her) emotions”.

    What I would do is quit the second job, the volunteer job. It takes away from your paid job, for one. You don’t get paid for it, second. And third, it is unpleasant to serve as a dumping place for one’s distress.

    I will tell Sam: I don’t want us to talk about personal stuff in the office anymore.

    If you want Sam as a friend, add: we can talk after office hours, outside the office, if you want. If you don’t want Sam as a friend, don’t add the latter.

    What do you think of my suggestion?

    anita

    March 20, 2018 at 9:01 pm #198507
    Charlotte
    Participant

    Hello Anita,

    This was very helpful to put it in a more objective context. I def was building up emotions about dealing with another person’s emotions. You are right. I think the reason why I’ve been feeling resentful is because it felt like I was taking on a second job that I no longer want to volunteer for. I will suggest to Sam that we keep such conversations during times that don’t interrupt my work.

    Thank you,

    Charlotte

    March 21, 2018 at 5:15 am #198545
    Anonymous
    Guest

    You are welcome, Charlotte.

    anita

    July 4, 2018 at 7:45 am #215379
    Coach Vernida
    Participant
    1. I’ve been in your shoes on my job and it can be draining., the complaining and negative gossip.   I don’t indulge in negative topics anymore.  When negative topics come at me, I respond with positivity.  If you keep positive answers I bet a lot of it will cease because when people are complaining and being negative and we respond like them, we become the coal that keeps the fire burning.  I’ve noticed by me staying with positive responses, the conversations aren’t the same and there’s not a lot to talk about anymore on the negative aspect, but we are still friends.  I had to change the direction of our conversations.
    July 4, 2018 at 10:33 am #215417
    Charlotte
    Participant

    Hi Coach Vernida,

    You are totally right. It’s almost like the “kill them with kindness” mentality. Your response comes in at a perfect time. I realize that no action is worth doing if it poisons each other’s peace of mind. I tried a similar type of response as you recommended yesterday with my colleague. When I could tell the conversation was veering back to negativity, I listened patiently but did my best not to validate or encourage any further negativity while keeping a smile on my face. The conversation naturally dwindled because of it. I realize before I thought I was being empathetic to my colleagues and they were taking advantage of that which was what drained me. I can still be empathetic by giving space to listen, but I don’t have to invest, nor jump on board in feeling the negative feelings that they are projecting.

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