Dear Josh:

You are very welcome. How gracious of you to express your appreciation!

You wrote that you experience this uneasy and awkward tension when you are alone in public trying to enjoy yourself. I am thinking… if you did set interviews with candidates for the position of a girlfriend in a casual setting on a Saturday afternoon (online dating as interviewing concept), then you don’t have to try to enjoy yourself. It is the business of interviewing. Obviously, I think it is such a good idea…

anita

Dear Josh:

I suggest using a dating website for the process interviewing women for the position of  a girlfriend because you clearly need a girlfriend/ partner and the time to interview is now because you are still attached to your ex. This means you are not inclined to get quickly attached to another woman (doesn’t it?), which means you can be objective while interviewing and evaluating other women. This objectivity is very important.

If you interview women now, then select those to proceed for the next level of interviewing, learning WHO the women are, proceeding with the selection and eliminating process, all while you are not attached to any one woman, you will be able to maximize your chances to “hire” a compatible-to-you woman, a woman you know and approve of, the… best woman for the job.

anita

* Dear John: I would love to answer your post. Will you copy (a good part of it) and then paste it into your own thread? Please do and I will reply to you there.

anita

Hi Josh,

I recently ended a three year relationship and went a similar way to you, before really focusing on lessons from Tiny Buddha, Eckhart Tolle and other sites. You were with your partner for a long time, and grief comes in many ways. It is not reasonable to get over your partner in three months, and it is especially hard if you did not initiate the breakup. Try to be patient with yourself.

As hard as it is, what your partner does with another person is not your responsibility. Keeping yourself tied to her in that way will only hurt. Your partner could have talked to you about things WELL before the notes, but she did not. This does not mean she is bad, it was her level of consciousness at the time. I know it feels easier to compare yourself to others (especially the person who is a dishwasher) but people often get with others BECAUSE they are different. The only thing you can change is yourself, and that’s through growth and becoming the person you want to become.

Write that letter to her. Write her many letters – but don’t send them. They are not meant for her. They are meant for your mind’s version of her. It is good to have imaginary conversations with her. I know this is a huge blow to your confidence but you will rebuild. If you’re still not over her (which its fine not to be), then that means it is time to take care of yourself.

She has made her choice. She is living a new life.

You can too – and you don’t have to immediately start dating if you aren’t ready for it.

That’s completely understandable. I know your heart hurts right now. That’s 100% OK. You don’t have to wrap your mind around it right now. Right now you can only take care of you and I’m glad to know that you’re taking steps to getting healthier. That’s a definite plus.

In the throes of my breakup aftermath, I wrote a lot. I sat down with my imagination and conversated to answer questions with myself. Sometimes we also have to learn to detach and reattach at different times. Acronyms became my friend. Eventually you will get through this. But know that its OK to feel this way. My biggest sympathies to you.