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Stay or Go – why can't I decide?

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Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)
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  • July 27, 2013 at 12:19 am #39268
    Helen
    Participant

    Dear Laney

    So, I’m only 23 and for sure not the wisest sister around here 😉

    But I can tell from what you’re writing, that you’re very unhappy. You want out. Maybe take a vacation alone or stay at a friends house just to breathe – and really find out what you want.

    Or maybe try couples counseling? But it seems you are already passed that stage…

    It’s normal that you care about his feelings, you loved him once. But seriously, this relationship does not sound good – so maybe it’s best for him to be alone, too. I guess he also has a lot of wounds and problems to fix.

    I wish you all the best, you’re gonna make the right decision.

    Namaste
    Helen

    July 27, 2013 at 3:42 am #39270
    Christina
    Participant

    I’m sorry, dear. It’s a nightmare. I have a question. Are you sure that the worries about him, are instead about you? I mean, it could be possible that when you said he could get depressed, the money problem…his 3rd divorce, you are projecting on him your fear? Maybe you are worried about the same thing, plus first divorce and you are young…if it is so, my dear, you will be fine. It’s not a failure. Everything will be fine. You can torture yourself with this relationship.

    July 27, 2013 at 4:48 am #39272
    that-girl-next-door
    Participant

    I will make this short and to the point – type in to Google search engine, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
    You will find that this is what you are experiencing, and your words to us, the readers suggest you recognize your relationship with him is unsafe: You state things are ‘escalating’…He throws things, is very quick to anger and shouting, calls me dumb/stupid/retarded and is quick to say “F*** you” .
    It is like you are asking permission to leave. Please, call a women’s shelter, or any of the services that pop up associated with Domestic Violence and get some support.
    I know you say you are willing to take responsibility for some of the conflict between you both, however clearly its not working a) he is violent b) there has been significant breakdown.
    Don’t be surprised if leaving is easier said than done. It often isn’t.
    Good luck and take care. xx

    July 27, 2013 at 8:34 am #39280
    Laney A.
    Participant

    Thank you all for your extremely helpful and kind words.

    Christina – I didn’t think about that… you’re right.. I could be transferring what I’m really afraid of onto him as a way to deal. I’ll think about that some more.

    Helen – We actually did try couples counseling. We went for 3 sessions, I believe. My husband ended up leaving a message on the counselor’s phone a couple hours before our appointment to tell him we wouldn’t be going back. I honestly think the counselor was scared of him. But, either way, you’re right. It’s passed counseling because while we were in it I was thinking, “I hope this doesn’t work.” (Awful thoughts, I know.)

    that girl next door – You’re right. I know you’re right. While I was in nursing school I spoke with a teacher I knew I could trust. And she always believed I was in an abusive relationship. Fortunately I’m in a much better place now – I’ve graduated, passed my boards, and am bringing in my own full time income. I just scheduled an appointment to view a nice two-room efficiency apartment on Monday. Wow… after I got off the phone I had this surge of child-like excitement. I almost jumped up and down.

    I have left an abusive relationship before when I was a mere 18. I suppose it’s time to get away now and then take a step back and understand why I continue to let this happen… and to believe it’s “normal.”

    Thanks again everyone.

    August 5, 2013 at 6:04 am #39750
    Helen
    Participant

    All the best to you, Laney!

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