Hi everyone,

I posted on here years ago after a tough break up and found it very helpful in my healing process. Hope those who read this also feel that way when they share. It’s a nice thing to have.

Anyways, it’s been well over a year since my painful end to a tumultuous relationship. It was the first real love and heartbreak of my adult life, and it certainly affected me as a person. Nevertheless, I gained the courage to stop fighting for something that didn’t need to be fought for, and walked away from it. It took some time, but eventually I moved on. I started dating roughly six months after, and have been doing it off and on since. Some dates have been fun, some have been bad. By nature I’m a pretty picky person on who I pursue, but I’m also very open to the many different types of personalities that are out there. Anyways, things were normal for awhile, but in July/August I got involved with someone who ended up playing the *having your cake and eating it too* card on me, leading me on to think we were getting serious, and then sweeping out the rug saying she was getting serious with someone else. So that blow hit kinda hard, but I think I dodged a bullet cause she was kind of crazy (for lack of a better word). Didn’t take long for me to let it go. After that I took a break for awhile, and then went out a couple times with someone much younger than me (and didn’t enjoy the difference in maturity). When I called that off, I changed the age settings on my dating app to older than I had ever done before.

The first woman that popped up was very attractive, and it turned out we were a match. She’s in her early thirties, and I’m in my mid twenties. I started messaging her, and before long we were texting and getting to know one another. I found her to be quite alluring, and we had many shared interests. We met for the first time a week ago, and the sparks started flying right off the first hello.

I want to point out that I don’t normally rush into a relationship, but it’s happened before (particularly with the tumultuous relationship) and when it does it’s hard to control. I am very outward with my emotions and I feel them very deeply. So when attraction is there, its hard to hide. If she’s feeling it too, the shared fire burns pretty bright. I’d say within an hour of being around her I was feeling a lot of excitement over how well we were getting along. She was too. The night went much later than I was expecting, and we ended up cuddling into sleep, but not crossing any physical territory other than very passionate kissing. I would like to note that when we kiss it feels like the world stops. Haven’t felt that feeling in a long time.

Anyways, a few days passed, and we had already set plans to see each other again. This time I met up with her and her best friend at a bar, whom she wanted to introduce me to, and after that her and I went to her place to watch a movie. We spent a lot more time being intimate with each other then, which eventually led to sex. Just before it happened she told me she was breaking her rule, that she never acts that fast, but there was trust I think. I know she was feeling a connection like I was. It almost feels like we had known each other for years, and we were very intensely seeing attraction in one another. The next morning was also physically affectionate, and then I left hoping that I would see her soon.

Over the next couple days (which brings me to tonight) we texted here and there, but not for any long duration or with much conversation. This has more or less been the case since we started talking, as I don’t think she’s much of a texter. With that said, I found myself feeling anxious yesterday afternoon. Paranoid, I guess, that maybe things had been rushed between us. Frightened that a fire burning too bright at the start will burn out quickly. Nervous that maybe I came off too strong, and she will pull away because of that. Whether they were rational thoughts or not, it started putting my stomach in nots and interrupting my sleep.

We had been planning on seeing each other tonight, but she told me earlier she’s not feeling up for it, and when I asked if we could shoot for a couple nights from now.. she told me she won’t have the time until Sunday. I should mention that she has a pretty demanding career, so it’s definitely not an excuse.

Still, I feel mixed emotions about this. In a way, it makes me feel justified about my concerns. Two very emotionally stimulating dates in less than a week is a lot, so maybe she is pulling away for some space. Then there’s another side of me that thinks I should be doing the same, and it’s a good thing we might go awhile without seeing each other. But in any case, I’m still afraid. I’ve been looking for red flags with this girl, and I haven’t seen any. This isn’t to say that I think she’s perfect and I’m putting her on a pedestal, but I see no reason to not pursue something serious with her. My early attachment feels strong for a reason. I find her to be unlike anyone else I’ve ever met, and I’m fascinated. When we were together those two nights, I also felt strong desire from her as well, so why does that make me feel so crazy?

Would be great to hear anyone’s thoughts. For what it’s worth, I’m a Scorpio and she’s a Pieces. Supposed to be a very good match if the two can make it work. I think I’m pretty true to my traits, she said early on that she was pretty true to hers. Hoping that I can quell some of my anxieties over starting a new (and so far intense) relationship. I think maybe I’m too lost in my own head, too scared that she will end up treating me like my ex did if we keep getting closer, or abruptly cutting it off for some reason or another. I guess I can only control myself, but would love to hear any tips and support.

Thanks everyone.