Home→Forums→Relationships→Starting too fast?
- This topic has 9 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 6 months ago by
Eliana.
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October 5, 2017 at 9:25 am #171717
AnonymousGuestDear eitherway:
Welcome back!
She told you the second date that she was breaking her rules. It felt right for her on that night. Not unlikely, the next day it felt strange, as in, that was too close, too fast and she may have felt conflicted about having broken her rules, a conflict she did not experience that night.
It does feel strange, doesn’t it, to feel so close and then be apart, so close to someone you just met? I would proceed with caution, if I was you. Slowly. There needs to be an adjustment made, in your brain and in hers, an adjustment to a new situation. This may have been “Starting too fast”- so slow down, and talk with her about how it feels, to have started too fast. If the two of you talk about it, it will help with the adjustment hopefully to be made.
anita
October 5, 2017 at 12:02 pm #171751
eitherwayParticipantHi Anita,
Nice to see your name again. I think you raise some good points. From what I gathered, she’s not someone who gets invested in relationships quickly either, and perhaps she’s experiencing some conflicted feelings about it. I think I’m just living with the shock of spending those nights sharing my intimate self, and now returning to the regular day to day like they were just a dream. It looks like we won’t be seeing each other for a few days, thus making it a week or so since last seeing each other. That might help me calm my nerves a bit, and hopefully it will calm hers. Maybe we’ll address it when we see each other next. I just hope that we’re still comfortable with each other then, but I think we will be. Gotta let the ripples settle before we set sail again.
Funny how when we watch the romance movies, we only get a quick montage between first date and then serious involvement. Skips over the period between where you have to establish a pace getting to know someone, and building a relationship. It’s never just A to Z, there are all the letters in between.
October 5, 2017 at 12:08 pm #171755AnonymousGuestDear eitherway:
You make a lot of sense. “Gotta let the ripples settle before we set sail again” reads like an excellent plan. If neither one of you perceive these ripples as giant waves, threatening to take you down to the bottom of the ocean, then there is hope.
anita
October 6, 2017 at 4:45 pm #172005
ElianaParticipantHi Eitherway,
Even though she may not like to text, I still would try not to lose a little of the momentum you shared..and perhaps talk on the phone a bit. The calls don’t have to be long or intense. Just show her you can be around her or talk to her without all the intensity. I wouldn’t break contact all together until you may or may not see her again. I would just have a friendly, casual friendly chat with her, nothing too intense or emotional. Just friends..build a foundation of friendship first.
October 8, 2017 at 10:33 am #172197eitherwayParticipantHi Eliana,
I think that makes sense, unfortunately the one time I tried talking to her on the phone she texted me after saying she couldn’t talk… and because our schedules are kind of different, there isn’t really an ideal time for us to just chat. But I do like what you are saying about building a foundation of friendship.
We’ve kept it very light over the past week, exchanging a couple texts here and there, mainly just hello’s and how are you’s as we both got through our week. We plan on seeing each other tonight, and my main goal is to just enjoy conversation with her… to get to know her more, to build more of a connection there. I’m glad things have calmed down a bit, but I certainly want to keep it going. Hopefully I get a better idea of what page she’s on tonight.
Thanks for your thoughts.
October 8, 2017 at 3:02 pm #172221ElianaParticipantHi Eitherway,
Sounds like things are headed in the right direction. Keep us posted..
October 16, 2017 at 2:40 am #173351eitherwayParticipantWell I’m unhappy to report that I think the whole thing is getting away from me. It’s now been two weeks since we last saw each other, and while we have almost talked every day, whenever a date gets set up she tends to get too busy for it. I’ve tried pulling away and giving some distance, and she’ll reach out and we’ll exchange a few texts, but we just can’t seem to get on the same page for making an effort to actually see each other. It almost happened Friday night, but didn’t. Could have happened yesterday or today, but didn’t. All while the ball was in her court. Seems that even though I’m coming off as easy going and happy to accommodate her schedule, she just doesn’t have the same ability for me. It’s nothing short of confusing though, cause her text messages still read like she’s interested in me.. and she likes my posts on instagram (if that has any sort of significance) but maybe it’s simply out of my control. Maybe she’s got things going on I don’t know about. Who knows. I guess sometimes you just don’t know what a person is thinking.
The romantic in me wants to keep being patient and maybe try to set something up again in a week or two. I’ve been trying to be more in the present though, so I won’t fixate on when or how or even if I’ll try to reach out again. Sad though. Really felt a special connection with this one. Hurts that it didn’t get to blossom into much. Maybe time will tell a different story.
October 16, 2017 at 4:00 am #173357AnonymousGuestDear eitherway:
Her behavior is not promising, not encouraging hopes for an intimate relationship. It may very well have been “a fire burning too bright at the start will burn out quickly” (from your original post). Maybe the fire (at least fire following the two nights together) was mostly in your subjective experience and you assumed, or guessed she was feeling the same.
You wrote: “I guess sometimes you just don’t know what a person is thinking”- when we don’t know, we guess. Too often we guess wrong. No substitute for honest, verbal communication where you don’t have to guess.
anita
October 17, 2017 at 2:00 am #173493ElianaParticipantHi Eitherway,
What about setting up a “mini date” or “short date”? Maybe because things started too quickly, she may feel awkward or intimitated, and feel that there has to be kissing or other intimate actions called, perhaps that is why she is getting cold feet.
Try to stay away from a “pen-pal” relationship with her via texting. I know I’m this day and age it is hard, but it creates distance and lack of substance or real communication. If she texts you, tell her your phone is “acting up” and would she mind talking on the phone instead. Let her get to know you other than short sentences on a phone screen. Instead of a long elaborate date, ask her out for a quick cup of coffee, that way the pressure will be off, and she won’t back out. She must be somewhat interested if she is at least agreeing to a date and still communicating with you. I think it is pressure and intimidation holding her back. Maybe she feels you are “expecting” something. Just some thoughts.
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