L,

I am sorry you are in pain. I have been there. well, not exactly but similar concept. I was in love not too long ago. End of June is when my ex broke my heart. I have been in constant pain since than but i have to tell you that its getting better. One of the reasons he broke it off was the fact that we didn’t get along. We fought constantly after a few months into the relationship as he was conservative and i am not. Plus cultural difference and lifestyle difference. I come from a background where i am taught to make things work. to fight for everything that is worth fighting for. I knew our differences were a big issue in our relationship but i tried my best to make it work. at the end, he said that he can’t do it anymore. he is exhausted. i was going to marry this man and grow old with him. we had made promises to never leave one another but at the end, he didn’t even have the decency to break up with me in person. he did it over the phone!

This is my background story but after talking to many good people on this site and talking to my therapist, i am in a better place. don’t get me wrong, i still cry at least once a day but it is a lot better than before. When this happened, i would cry every hour! and cry myself to sleep. This breakup has done so many amazing things for me. for once, it has taught me to look within. it has taught me to be kinder to myself. it has taught me to be compassionate and understanding. It has taught me that i have a learned pattern that i need to break to be ok. It has taught me to break the image i have in my head of a perfect life because nothing in this life is a grantee, which is what makes it worth living.

Trust me, i am still a work in progress but i can see some light in this darkness now. i have been meditating a lot. i started with 5 minutes at first but slowly i am getting to 15 minutes. i am also giving myself credit for the small things like 40 days of no contact with my ex. I am also volunteering for different causes that i am passionate about. i am laughing a lot. even if it a fake laughter, i am laughing cause there is something about smiling that makes the brain relax. I am walking and talking to myself. I am also reading positive blogs on this site from people who have gone through a lot of pain and came out on the other side.

i apologize if i went on and on and on but i know where you are coming from. i don’t have many friends either but i am meeting amazing people through this journey of mine. I wish you courage! and love!

S

L,

I agree with Sapna and BW’s insights. I’m sorry for the confusion and loss you’ve gone through, and hope you find peace as you explore and grow. Cults are difficult to endure, because they often propose a sacrifice of the harmony of the one for the harmony of the ideals (or the central guru/figure of the cult). This leads us on a difficult journey, because the more we try, the less it works. Harmony does not come from the submission of the self, but from the radical expression of self knowing.

Said differently, it is not surprising that you don’t know what to do with yourself now that you are free! Its like someone waking up for the first time. “Wait, there are many people who want me to find happiness no matter where it takes me? Without allegiance or commitment, they just wish me well?” How foreign! But that is precisely what the wise do for us. They help us see who we are, and say “go!” “Launch!” “Follow your inner guide!” “Discover what you like for you!”

When we follow such heartfelt wisdom such as Buddhist Wife’s, we learn who we are, find what makes us genuinely happy, and discover our special place in the world. You seem like a great spirit, and with some time and courage, you could be anything, do anything. The canvas is blank and the brush is in your hand, so what do you want to paint for yourself? One of my teachers asked me to sit and consider that, then write it down. It helps spark the momentum for seeing that canvas come alive!

With warmth,
Matt