Hey guys, first of all I’m so glad I found this forum where there’s so much love and good advice and genuine care for people’s feelings.

I’m 29, engaged to a loving albeit somewhat nagging and imature fiance who is 26. Her and I have been together for almost 3 years and have been through rough times.

We were friends and got into a relationship at a point in my life where I felt like I needed change. I had just quit my job and decided to move and live in another country where I felt I would be able to live out my dreams and ambitions. It was also at that time when my father was diagnosed with cancer, right after I had quit my job and decided to move. Naturally, I decided to put my plans to move on hold and be with him.

I had explained to her at the time my situation, and why I had quit my job and what my ambitions were. I find it very difficult to work for anyone and wanted to start something on my own. My passion is music and I am a music producer. I’d told her that I prefer not to have a job and that I would try and make money on my own and create my own work. This of course is not an easy task and for the following year or so up to this point I have not been able to get my business up and running, and of course my father was still sick and I couldn’t leave him and move half way across the world.

My father passed away in November. And his battle with cancer took its toll emotionally, psychologically, and physically. After he passed, I found myself lost, confused and not knowing where to go or what to do. I still wanted to leave the place I currently live.

I started looking for jobs and got employed a few times within the past 6 months, but found myself leaving those jobs. This in turn created more problems with my fiance. I told her I had decided that I would postpone my plans to leave so that I can get a job, and we would get married and eventually move together. I now have a good job offer on the table, but find myself uninterested in it, and still feel like it’s best for me to leave, get settled where I want to go and then get married.

The problem is I really don’t know what’s best. I don’t know what to do. I’m afraid that this might damage our relationship, and make it seem like I was unsure, and lack confidence. I’m trying to decide whether to take this job and put my ambitions on hold, or let it go and risk being on my own and starting from scratch.

I feel like I’ve put her through alot of confusion and uncertainty and feel guilty about changing my mind once again now, especially that I now actually finally have a job offer. I feel confused about what I actually want to do. I don’t what I should be pursuing. I know that eventually I do want to move out of where I live now, and that I want to have my own music related business. But I can’t seem to find a way to balance that with my relationship and the upcoming responsibilities of marriage. I’m depressed, confused, and always worried and anxious and find myself unable to take action.

I don’t know if I explained myself the way I wanted to but I guess that just shows how confused I really am. I tried to lay everything out in the most logical way possible. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.