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Soulmate Lost

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  • #79436
    Red Car
    Participant

    I’m also enduring after a breakup. I know the feelings are awful postBU.

    Why did he think that he was a stone around your neck? I don’t think keeping in touch with him will help you and him heal though. Maybe you can try to be friends after a few months, but not now.

    #79438
    Carrie White
    Participant

    Becuase I want to travel and can’t go, he can’t move; in a way I guess he is isolated. We worked through the travelling issue together and planned such an amazing adventure.
    The feelings are sometimes all consuming. I guess we have to be happy it happened in the first place.

    #79439
    Kath
    Participant

    Huh, this is difficult!
    Here’s what I got from what you wrote, assuming there is nothing else hidden in there:
    Even though he loves you, his plans for life are set … The way you describe it, he will not suddenly become experimental and he is even prepared to let you go, because he sees that this sort of life is not necessarily what YOU need.
    I’ve seen this in some men, and they usually don’t change their minds. It sucks, because it sounds like you are willing to compromise and he does not seem to be willing to meet you somewhere on the way. You could interpret that as a lack of love, but it can be a fear of change and a personal decision as well. He obviously feels under pressure and thinks that he cannot fulfill your expectations.

    So basically it is upon you to decide: Can you happily accept the situation you are now in, and spend your life there and with him – or do you want to trust the world and maybe his perspective and go out into the world?

    How do you know he is the favorite person in the world when you don’t know every person in the world? There is more than one soulmate out there, and many different and fulfilling relationships to lead… I know for sure, because my first “soulmate” died, and I was forced to open myself up again to the world… and found someone whom I now cherish just as much!
    Moreover, it is not completely unrealistic that you just need two or three years to figure out your own priorities and are able to take this relationship to a higher level afterwords. It happens. And if it doesn’t, it will be ok too!

    Good luck and all the best!!!

    #79485
    Kat
    Participant

    I feel I can relate to your situation, as I broke up recently with my best friend and although we are still best friends a part of me wonders, well, wishes is probably more appropriate, that we’ll get together again. This is pretty much what I did to ease my pain.

    I think perhaps you should reflect on what you want and what you give in a relationship. Do not settle for 9/10 on your want list, and be sure those wants are things you know you’d reciprocate unconditionally. Try making it when you are feeling calm. Since he was willing to walk away from you, consider if that’s something you would do to him. If you are willing to weather hard times you deserve the same treatment. Is a soulmate doing that what you want, what you deserve? Try not to let your feelings get in the way of this judgement call, rather think about the fairness of the give and take in this relationship. Think about how both of you should want this relationship, how you deserve to feel wanted, how much you want him and the possible discrepancy therein. He may be a wonderful guy, but not what you need. Maybe years down the road you will be right for each other. But you cannot pine over him waiting for that time. It needs to come of its own accord between two happy, fulfilled people. As difficult as it is, I think you are doing the right thing. Perhaps you can get a place closer to your work with roommates so you’ll save money and meet new people.

    This split is going to hurt like hell, but remind yourself that you are both good people who only do the best they can with what they understand, and as the saying goes, it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. 🙂 Resentment and blame will bring you no peace, you do not have to feel these things. Be compassionate towards him and yourself. And finally listen to your gut, especially when you don’t want to, because the truth will take you where you need to be. Best of luck friend, this experience will help you help others one day, maybe more people who’ve lost a soul mate. 🙂

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