Some wisdom from the broken heart

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This topic has 9 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 10 months ago by Brav3.

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May 24, 2016 at 7:12 pm #105547

Brav3
Participant

Hi guys,

I have a challenge today to face my ex as we will be in same training room for workplace. Writing on Tiny Buddha always help me. Here’s what I have learnt in last 4 months post breakup.

1. Finding your security or identity through a relationship is completely wrong
Any relationship can fall apart, because everything is impermanent and people, situations always changes. Do not look for security or identify your well being with relationship. This mindset will help you with non attachment practice.

2. Finding love or happiness through a relationship is completely wrong
Again love and happiness is not out there but within you. Why you don’t see it? Because you are caught up in thoughts and feelings. If you look external source for love and happiness, you will be disappointed. However, it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have relationships, it just means that seek love and happiness within you first.

3. Learn to not afraid to be alone
It is very important to learn to be happy by being with yourself, to enjoy peace and quiet. Once, you know how to be happy alone, you will never worry about your relationships. And if things are getting toxic, you will be confident to walk away. I think it is important to practice solitude even if you have significant others in your life. Find peace with peace.

4. Continue to pursue your life
Your life must not stop for anyone. Yes, you can care for your loved ones but it is utmost important that you carry on with your life, with things you love doing. In fact, you should pursue some separate things on your own. Do not stop this for anyone.

5. Pain is part of life but not suffering
Life will continue to change with cycles of pleasure and pain, loss and gain etc. Accept pain as part of life not suffering. Suffering comes from holding on ( past), from not accepting change. Work on acceptance and you will find peace in midst of pain.

6. Practice letting go everyday
Suffering comes from resisting what life brings to you. It could be loss, pain, pleasure etc. Cease struggle. Step out from the war with your life. It doesn’t mean that you accept injustice or other wrong things. It only means that you accept your present, to be with what is and then do what you can . Outcome isn’t important, journey and process of letting go. Because then you will find peace in this very present moment in midst of chaos.

I understand this and I am still working on to apply this everyday. It is very difficult to do. But life never meant to be easy. Learning only comes from mistakes, failures and hardships.

May 24, 2016 at 7:40 pm #105565

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Brav3:

This is a must-read, a required reading here on tiny buddha, says I. Amazing. Everyone should read this. Wow!

My favorite parts: Accept pain as part of life, not suffering (resisting what life brings to you).. work on acceptance (cease struggle) and you will find peace in midst of pain.

In the training room, don’t struggle. When you find yourself tense, uptight, it means you are resisting. Relax. See her and relax. Pay attention the whole time: focus on accepting the pain right there.Let it be. If you feel sad, be sad, don’t try to appear happy. Don’t criticize yourself for what you feel. Don’t be kidnapped by thoughts. let yourself be.

Please post afterwards about how it went.

anita

May 25, 2016 at 11:21 am #105615

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Brav3:

I think this is such an informative, educational thread, I want to bring it up once in a while so more people have the opportunity to read it and comment.

anita

May 25, 2016 at 12:52 pm #105620

sandstorm
Participant

good going bro

May 25, 2016 at 4:09 pm #105636

Brav3
Participant

Thank you Anita.

I have been reading quite alot and have understood some things. The problem is and that’s a problem for everyone in this world, our habitual reactions are too strong to apply this. Breaking habitual pattern requires alot of practice and immense courage.

For instance, its a lot easier for some people ( for some its not) to not angry on small things. But when it comes to big things, like betrayal, loss, injustice etc. breaking habitual pattern is the most difficult thing to do. And this habitual tendencies are the cause of suffering.

May 25, 2016 at 4:09 pm #105637

Brav3
Participant

Thank you Sandstorm.

May 26, 2016 at 6:50 am #105667

Gunter
Participant

Hi Brav3

This is an issue that I have been battling with for the last few months. I went into the relationship for the wrong reasons (as in, it will be my source of happiness). I ended up getting used instead. It was a very good lesson, because it showed me that happiness is inside us, not outside. A huge, albeit very painful lesson. Anyway, your post is EXACTLY what I needed to read today (yes, I do believe the Lord and Angels are looking out for us).
Thanks for sharing, it helped me a lot. Good luck on your journey. In the end it is all about Love

:>)

May 26, 2016 at 5:05 pm #105728

Brav3
Participant

Hi Livelife364,

Thank you for writing. We often mistake pleasure as happiness. Relationship brings pleasure and pain, they are not the source of happiness. Happiness is already with us. We can only see it clearly when we drop our resistance to present, when we let go. Something easier said but very hard to do. If you practice this, you will start breaking your habitual patterns slowly and you will find your life will become easier to live, even with difficulties.

Good luck to you to.

Brav3

May 26, 2016 at 6:52 pm #105742

Rahul
Participant

Man, Brav3, I needed this today. Way cool, and thanks for writing. Keep it up dude!

Rahul

May 26, 2016 at 11:48 pm #105770

Brav3
Participant

Hi Rahul,

I am glad these words are giving you some sort of support.

Brav3
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