Hi guys,

I have a challenge today to face my ex as we will be in same training room for workplace. Writing on Tiny Buddha always help me. Here’s what I have learnt in last 4 months post breakup.

1. Finding your security or identity through a relationship is completely wrong
Any relationship can fall apart, because everything is impermanent and people, situations always changes. Do not look for security or identify your well being with relationship. This mindset will help you with non attachment practice.

2. Finding love or happiness through a relationship is completely wrong
Again love and happiness is not out there but within you. Why you don’t see it? Because you are caught up in thoughts and feelings. If you look external source for love and happiness, you will be disappointed. However, it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have relationships, it just means that seek love and happiness within you first.

3. Learn to not afraid to be alone
It is very important to learn to be happy by being with yourself, to enjoy peace and quiet. Once, you know how to be happy alone, you will never worry about your relationships. And if things are getting toxic, you will be confident to walk away. I think it is important to practice solitude even if you have significant others in your life. Find peace with peace.

4. Continue to pursue your life
Your life must not stop for anyone. Yes, you can care for your loved ones but it is utmost important that you carry on with your life, with things you love doing. In fact, you should pursue some separate things on your own. Do not stop this for anyone.

5. Pain is part of life but not suffering
Life will continue to change with cycles of pleasure and pain, loss and gain etc. Accept pain as part of life not suffering. Suffering comes from holding on ( past), from not accepting change. Work on acceptance and you will find peace in midst of pain.

6. Practice letting go everyday
Suffering comes from resisting what life brings to you. It could be loss, pain, pleasure etc. Cease struggle. Step out from the war with your life. It doesn’t mean that you accept injustice or other wrong things. It only means that you accept your present, to be with what is and then do what you can . Outcome isn’t important, journey and process of letting go. Because then you will find peace in this very present moment in midst of chaos.

I understand this and I am still working on to apply this everyday. It is very difficult to do. But life never meant to be easy. Learning only comes from mistakes, failures and hardships.