Hi Anita and team, so much help as always thank you i had a dark moment. Anita i really see what you mean and it makes so much sense. Interestingly, my ex in the meantime has contacted me to say that the new woman he got it on with has moved out already because she missed her life (thats 6 months!) and did i want to meet up with him for coffee? I translate that as..they had a big fight and she had a naive view of what would happen OR she just used him.. I guess i could feel some victory with this? Well yes. i freaking do. I was right about everything, did i make plans to meet him now? no.  I thought it over a few days for myself and replied that it seemed she was not the clairvoyant she claimed to be. I have to say, that feels good dammit. They made me suffer so much…i can see that both of them were users.

You know, i dont believe anymore that guys can be fair..and kind. There is always some kind of damage done to the women involved…i guess that is why so many women are now single. My ability to be innocent and open is completely gone.

Hi Anita,

Yes, i guess i can feel vindicated in one way, and bereft in another.

I lost the guy i loved the most, i lost that lovely stupid female loyalty and certainty that i was the one

There is no getting that back. There is also no way i can get back those crucial years if i wanted a family…now i am past a reasonable age it will always be harder..

I have had quite a few health issues this year, it has made me realise my age and situation…so my main priority is to make money..there is no time to look for some stupid guy who will do the same thing again to me..thats where i am at now.

Its hard to see the clients sometimes who have such a priveledged life, a committed husband, lots of money, kids and so much while others have so little…I dont want their lives…but i just wish for that one part of someone who gets me, ive never met that person! I guess i have to have a great sense of humor about it…because strangely or not, couples are very rude and nosy about single women’s lives..they want to know everything and assume so much too. Its annoying. I wish i had a way of telling them where to shove it.

Hi Anita, i guess i am just a “stupid woman” who complains about her position.

When couple come to see me in my office, more often than not i get some innappropriate questions about my age, what i am doing, where i am from…that have nothing to do with business..just pure nosyness on their part and voyerism from comfortable couples who then tell me all about what they have. I dont know why, but purely my face gives them the permission to say these things. My male colleagues are treated with much more deference, if not asked whether they are the owner of the business? I dont know why i cant tell them to mind their own business. Its very upsetting because of course they want me to feel uncomfortable, they want to make themselves feel better than me and as a result they want me to feel small so they get a little kick on their holiday. But i guess you are right, many couples live their whole lives together unhappy and unheard.

In terms of illness i have suffered of course from the huge emotional stress i suffered from breaking up, being financially very badly off, and trying to deal with selling my property in a foreign language and culture. the breakup sat so heavily on my mind i couldnt think of anything else, all i could do was watch starsigns for help, it may seem stupid but i had some mental relief from that. I dont really go out, theres no money to go crazy with and no one without kids like me. I twisted my ankle very badly recently, it has still not healed and is all swollen still..i know i need surgery for a deviated septum that the doctor told me had closed one side of my nose so i cant breathe properly, i cant wear contacts anymore for no real reason and i have problems with glasses so am considering eye surgery. I have a lump in my mouth i need to go have checked out…yep, thats enough stuff to be dealing with.

Hi Anita,  I am used to people thinking they can tell me how it is, or tell me what to do. Its because i have a “soft” face. And psychologically speaking i have learnt that it means that people will always challenge me more than others. I am the kind of person who is approachable. Because people think i wont hurt them.

Today i was openly mocked by some family in a supermarket, i cant tell you why but it hurt of course! I went back to my car and looked in the mirror..there was nothing i can imagine that was wrong apart from maybe i was red in the face because it is hot right now. I am not overly fat, not bad looking, not dressed badly, the only thing possible to mock would be my face right? so either i have a VERY expressive face…or there was something on it..but they really laughed, not once but twice…in my face. why? and how am i supposed to react? i dont get it. Im tired of this stupid game in life…im getting old..too old for them to notice me.

My least favourite colleague also make a snide comment at me recently that was plain mean..about me not being important. there was no reason for it or retort to something i had said…he just came out with it and left me in shock.

My ex also is flirting with me and wants to meet up..i have no one else in my life of course. But the horror of how he was hangs over me. I have the texts that he sent me while he was involved with someone else and didnt care. What a wild surprise that didnt work out, she turned out to be exactly as my instinct predicted. He has not apologised or even tried to understand. The sad thing is that i think he is just bored and thinks i will react…there is no love there although of course i wish there was..i know im nothing special to him.

what am i supposed to do with these UNWANTED messages? how do other people cope? and why cant i strike back? something polite in me cant do it.

i find human behaviour repulsive and thus, interesting like a scientist dissecting an ant.

Here is probably what surprises people. I am normal looking, i am even pretty, i have a normal body..perhaps a more expressive face but nothing weird, just better looking perhaps? i dont know, because its not like i feel that way myself. Women are usually often awkward with me and very aggressive or dismissive..i am used to it. Men are usually aggressive and/or abusive, perverse. all my life i have attracted this kind of attention in men, women and people who want to compete i guess, in this case people who wanted to humiliate. Its whenever i am on my own. I am not a confident person, i get a lot of abuse. its sad..i would just like normal behaviour because i personally dont feel competitive but my looks make people strange and yet i am not model beautiful.

This family were doing their shopping but clearly needed some extra stimulation. I dont know why they picked me but they did and seemed to want me to react. To me that is psychotic, from a whole family, that is a system of abuse they expect from each other. Luckily i didnt react as i felt defensive and aggressive, i felt fairly threatened as they were so persistent. And now i just feel sorry for them. There was an elderly man who seemed to be their friend and joined in, i felt ashamed…for him. I hope that karma deals with them..it usually does. But it was ME who had to go home in tears and feel so awful..im sure they didnt think of it again.

Because i dont have the trappings of modern family, because i dont have a husband and children..i get treated pretty badly by others. I dont fit in and i guess that makes people uncomfortable. I have a work lunch to go to and everyone is bringing their 2 kids….i may be the only one without children so i am already expecting to field unwanted questions.