Dear Lydia:

“I actually hate humans… People piss me off so easily, I have so much anger inside of me…I am very judgmental but also very nice at the same time… I HATE the human race.. Humans are horrible”

And you wrote, “I can never get my point across even when I know what I mean in my head”-

I understand that you live with your parents and you can’t tell them what you really think, having to block your anger at them, act nice. If you could say anything you wanted to say just as you think it, just as you feel it, what would  you say to your father, to your mother, to  any of your sisters?

If you want to do this exercise, to type away what you would say to these individuals, separately, one at a time, do so, type away without editing and then submit.

If you do, I will read and reply further.

anita

Lydia,

I hear you. I am 31 and finally getting over my anxiety with speaking to people. For the longest time my mouth just wouldn’t work right. I worried that I had a tumor in my brain or thought that anxiety medication would help. The only thing that has helped me is exposure. Because of waitressing I have exposed myself to strangers over and over for about 7 years now. I’m to the point where if something comes out wrong I can say, “uh, that came out wrong” shrug it off and laugh about it. I know that it is complete torture to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation but it has taught me to be humble, treat others with kindness, AND big suprise…many other people are also socially awkward as well. 

I have always hated money too. I’m sure if I had a lot of it I wouldn’t hate it though. I am at my root a nature lover. I want nothing more to be outside with my dog exploring. I don’t know what the answer for people like us is…but I can tell you that there are many people like us. It takes a lot exploring to figure out how you want to live. Some people share spaces so that their cost of living is low- or grow gardens and share land. Be honest with what makes you happy. It’s your life- avoid what makes you cringe. Find your thing- its out there but it takes time. I’m still looking and making sacrifices in order to get there. Good luck gal, you will be many versions of yourself in this life. Its not always going to be this way.