HomeâForumsâTough TimesâSo Overwhelmed with life, feeling lost and confused.
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April 5, 2014 at 10:32 pm #54332AnonymousInactive
I am 31-year old female, at a stage where everything I touch is turning into dust, nothing is working out. I am so scared to start something new or venture to new horizons, because I am failing continuously over the last year.
I had it figured out, but it did not go as planned. I have not achieved anything, in terms of marriage, career, kids. I do not measure up to anyone. I am the odd one out, it feels so heartbreaking and soul-crushing, that half of my life is gone and I am standing here, without any direction/goal in life.
I see friends, family and colleagues around me, they have there life sorted. Professional careers, married with kids, home, happily settled, they have it all.
So, where have I gone wrong, can’t figure out what is wrong with me, can’t take this mental pressure anymore?
Why am I here, what is my purpose? How come everyone has it figured out and control on there life, but me? What am I doing wrong as a person?
April 6, 2014 at 3:30 am #54342@Jasmine-3ParticipantHi Network7
After reading your 7 posts on different forum topics started in the last 2 months by yourself suggest one thing to me : no one on TB forum seems to be understanding your issues or the answer that you seek is not being provided by anyone on the forum. Either way, it is a difficult situation that you are facing. My personal experience tells me that unless you change your mindset from “WHY” to “HOW”, there is no one who will be able to assist you to get out of the situation you find yourself in many arenas of your existence.
“Why me, why that, why this ?” etc needs to become “How can I change things around for myself” . When you do that, I assure you that the universal forces will come together and assist you in changing your circumstances for the better. If you don’t believe me, why don’t you try it ?
Many a times we get stuck in the rut as it becomes easier to blame everything and everyone around us rather than take responsibility for our own life or actions. Sometimes, there is a pay off for staying in such circumstances such as getting sympathy from people or a need to feel like a victim. If you are purely attention seeking or need to kill time on TB then I rest my case here. However, if you are serious about changing your life for the better then I recommend that you take some time out of your schedule to listen to BK Shivani once. Like yourself, she is an Indian and you will be able to relate to her as she is a professional as well. She is a young and vibrant spiritual teacher who travels widely across the world to help people out with deciphering life’s dilemmas in a simple manner. She also teaches meditation but doesn’t follow any particular religion or faith. I think that if her simplicity resonates with yourself then you won’t need to ask anyone else for help with anything ever. You can upload her videos on you tube and you can google her as well if it makes it easier for you.
Good luck and I sincerely hope that you will take an action to bring more positivity in your life. Do remember that the more times that we write a negative life story on paper or on forums, the more difficult it becomes to initiate a positive change in life as we start to form a neuropathway of miseries in the subconscious brain and then that belief system becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Blessings
Jasmine
April 6, 2014 at 8:25 am #54351AnonymousInactive@JasmineJasmine
Thank you very much, for taking time, understanding my pain and guiding me to a wonderful speaker. Respect and Blessings to you.
April 7, 2014 at 5:13 am #54405@Jasmine-3Participant@minismita
No worries. I will be happy to hear your good news in a little while. You are worth it đ
J
April 7, 2014 at 7:26 am #54407BruceWayneParticipantBrilliant @JasmineJasmine, I wish I spoke with you when I was going through my dark hours.
@Network7, Hello, it is indeed true that the world can be a scary place, and it’s easy to look around and get lost. I dont know if you are a fan of the Rocky movies, but my favorite scene from rocky 6 is when Rocky tells his son that nothing is going to hit you as hard as life, but it isnt about how hard you get hit, it’s about how much you can get hit, and keep moving forward, how much you can take and still keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done.
There is a winner inside of all of us. Perception drives reality, and you can awaken the champion inside of you when you believe in yourself. I would like to suggest that you block the whole world out, and forget about comparing yourself to other people. See where you are today, and start making a plan to work on yourself everyday. This way, you can compare yourself to where you were yesterday. Once you start achieving your small goals, in time they will add up into bigger and bigger goals. Every day is an opportunity to move forward.
Wish you the best of luck,
BatmanApril 7, 2014 at 3:10 pm #54435RogerParticipantDon’t for a moment believe that everyone has it figured out and control of their life but you. Very few people do. Most people just haven’t given it that much thought yet. When they do, later in life, they often get a bit of a shock. Not that this should matter to you. As long as you measure yourself against others you will never be happy. Your happiness is not determined by how well you are doing or whether you have the things that society says you should have.
It is said that the guys who get along best with women are the guys who can get along without them. It’s so true on so many levels. And I think it applies to more than just relationships. I suspect you can’t get the things you want from life until you learn to live happily without them.
Stop being so hard on yourself. Stop berating yourself for the things you don’t have, and start congratulating yourself for your good qualities and the good things you have done. Anyone who matters isn’t judging you based on your career, or whether you are married or have kids. What matters is your smile, your humour, your warmth, your empathy. I can sense from your few words that you have no lack of those. Once you truly learn to believe in yourself, everything will start to fall into place.
April 7, 2014 at 4:20 pm #54437JenParticipantIm sorry to hear you are going through a difficult time, I am in a similar position so I know how it feels. I am only 28 and feel like I have somehow messed up by lack of achievements and feel like it is too late. Which is crazy, Its NEVER too late. It may be scary starting over, and if you are anything like myself, its daunting not knowing what I want to do, the type of guy I want to end up with, where I want to live…basically I feel like I don’t know myself. And that’s what I am trying to do right now, rather than put pressure on myself to get a perfect job, I am trying out new things to see what I like and what I am good at – maybe you could try new things? like new classes or an activity that is out of character to see if you learn something new about yourself?
ive started to use affirmations every day, as I am naturally a negative thinker, and the root of my problem is lack of self esteem. you could try and see if they help?
I am also reading ’embracing uncertainty’ by Susan Jeffers – so far so good – and it gives me something positive to think about rather than reinforce I am a failiure…I can only speak from my own experience and say I get overwhelmed at how lost I am and don’t have any answers, but when I zoom in on myself, I am making small but progressive steps. and we all need to start somewhere.
I also really need to stress that no matter how happy people seem they always have things they are unhappy with. they may seem like they have it all sorted, sure they may be more sorted than ourselves, but not as much as we think they are…I wish you well and hope things turn around for you.
April 7, 2014 at 6:42 pm #54441@Jasmine-3Participant@anoor413 Thanks Batman for your kind words. You have obviously come out of your darker moments and emerged stronger and brighter đ Now you are able to share your light with the rest, which hopefully @minismita will be able to do shortly too. I understand that you are a student of medicine – practicing student or a real student? Unfortunately, learning never stops either in medicine or in this life, eh ? lol. I hope that you are practicing meditation everyday to charge your battery. You must come in contact with so many different types of energies and they will always try to deplete you but meditation will keep you on top of them. May you be the healer that you wish to be today and always. Lots of positive energy,
Jasmine
@jasmine-3April 7, 2014 at 7:16 pm #54442AnonymousInactiveThank you @Roger for your kind words.
April 7, 2014 at 7:17 pm #54443AnonymousInactiveThanks @Batman for instilling the courage back in me. đ
April 7, 2014 at 7:19 pm #54445AnonymousInactiveThank you @Jen for putting back my faith in myself. đ
April 8, 2014 at 10:40 am #54490JulieParticipantI would never claim to have all the answers. All I can do is tell you about my life situations that in a way mirror yours.
I felt like a loser at age 26 because I had dropped out of college whereas all my friends has graduated and started working in their careers. I was working at a restaurant and was desperately unhappy and depressed, not knowing what to do with my life.
The answer for me, was just to start doing something. Whenever I have waited around for life to come knocking at my door, providing me with the perfect job, boyfriend, or life purpose, I have been sorely disappointed. I started out finding a good therapist. I have always had a lot of on-going, negative, dialogue running through my head (thanks to an abusive domineering mother) and I needed a positive person to show me a healthier way to self-talk. I have also been on and off anti-depressants for years, which have helped.
When I felt stronger, I started college again, quite successfully, and graduated at age 29. But I had to get over the negative label I gave myself about being an “older student.” After that, I worked many different jobs, some successfully and some not so successfully. I married at 32, had a child at 35, lost $100,000 from my husband’s poor investment strategies, and divorced at age 48. At age 51, I’ve been working on getting a secondary teaching credential. Talk about being older than everyone else! The other people in my program are an average age of 25!
So what’s the point of all my ramblings? Recognize the negative labels you apply to your life, consider the idea that you might be clinically depressed, find support, and then go out into the world and do something…anything. Don’t wait for some divine inspiration. And don’t be fooled by the people around you that appear to have their lives completely together. They don’t. And anyway, in a millisecond, loved ones can die, fortunes are lost, and we are again forced to start over again with nothing.
April 8, 2014 at 10:43 am #54491JulieParticipantI would never claim to have all the answers. All I can do is tell you about my life situations that in a way mirror yours.
I felt like a loser at age 26 because I had dropped out of college whereas all my friends has graduated and started working in their careers. I was working at a restaurant and was desperately unhappy and depressed, not knowing what to do with my life.
The answer for me, was just to start doing something. Whenever I have waited around for life to come knocking at my door, providing me with the perfect job, boyfriend, or life purpose, I have been sorely disappointed. I started out finding a good therapist. I have always had a lot of on-going, negative, dialogue running through my head (thanks to an abusive domineering mother) and I needed a positive person to show me a healthier way to self-talk. I have also been on and off anti-depressants for years, which have helped.
When I felt stronger, I started college again, quite successfully, and graduated at age 29. But I had to get over the negative label I gave myself about being an âolder student.â After that, I worked many different jobs, some successfully and some not so successfully. I married at 32, had a child at 35, lost $100,000 from my husbandâs poor investment strategies, and divorced at age 48. At age 51, Iâve been working on getting a secondary teaching credential. Talk about being older than everyone else! The other people in my program are an average age of 25!
So whatâs the point of all my ramblings? Recognize the negative labels you apply to your life, consider the idea that you might be clinically depressed, find support, and then go out into the world and do somethingâŚanything. Donât wait for some divine inspiration. And donât be fooled by the people around you that appear to have their lives completely together. They donât. And anyway, in a millisecond, loved ones can die, fortunes are lost, and we are again forced to start over again with nothing.
April 8, 2014 at 10:48 am #54492JulieParticipantI would never claim to have all the answers. All I can do is tell you about my life situations that in a way mirror yours.
I felt like a loser at age 26 because I had dropped out of college whereas all my friends has graduated and started working in their careers. I was working at a restaurant and was desperately unhappy and depressed, not knowing what to do with my life.
The answer for me, was just to start doing something. Whenever I have waited around for life to come knocking at my door, providing me with the perfect job, boyfriend, or life purpose, I have been sorely disappointed. I started out finding a good therapist. I have always had a lot of on-going, negative, dialogue running through my head (thanks to an abusive domineering mother) and I needed a positive person to show me a healthier way to self-talk. I have also been on and off anti-depressants for years, which have helped.
When I felt stronger, I started college again, quite successfully, and graduated at age 29. But I had to get over the negative label I gave myself about being an âolder student.â After that, I worked many different jobs, some successfully and some not so successfully. I married at 32, had a child at 35, lost $100,000 from my husbandâs poor investment strategies, and divorced at age 48. At age 51, Iâve been working on getting a secondary teaching credential. Talk about being older than everyone else! The other people in my program are an average age of 25!
So whatâs the point of all my ramblings? Recognize the negative labels you apply to your life, consider the idea that you might be clinically depressed, find support, and then go out into the world and do somethingâŚanything. Donât wait for some divine inspiration. And donât be fooled by the people around you that appear to have their lives completely together. They donât. And anyway, in a millisecond, loved ones can die, fortunes are lost, and we are again forced to start over again with nothing.
April 8, 2014 at 11:44 am #54495Cynthia BelmerParticipantHi there,
I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this confusion. I know this may seem odd but often times it’s in those times that we can create deep shift in our lives.
To answer your questions, I’m going to ask your few questions in return:
1- Are you focusing on “what’s wrong with you” or are you focusing on “what’s awesome about me? and “what do I want in my life and who I want to become?”
Where your focus goes, your energy flows. So if you keep focusing on what’s wrong, you’ll only get the wrongs. Focus on what you want instead.
2- What’s the story you’re telling yourself about yourself and about life?
3- I’m noticing that you’re saying why me indirectly, what are the silver linings or learnings you had from your negative experiences?
I hope this helps!
xo
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