Okay, I am taking a step. Here is a gist of my story. I am blessed and very grateful for my two beautiful and amazing young adults, my children! I worked very hard to raise them and teach them life values, kindness, wisdom, ethics, love and anything that came our way! I feel very proud of my efforts as they have shown and I’ve often been complemented by others in very touching ways telling me that I’ve done an amazing job raising them. I live to see them thrive every day as they start their own adulthood. We are very close and good friends, the three of us. It’s a beautiful union we share that I cherish daily.

I’m not sure how to talk about myself but I am love. I love deeply and I feel deeply, very sensitive, very empathetic all my life. This has been a blessing and a curse. I fell in love very young and therefore unknowingly committed to an abusive person for almost two decades of my life. My two wonderful children came from this destructive marriage. I believe in situations happening for specific reasons, lessons, an individual journey we each have. None the less, the journey of that marriage was very detrimental to me and has affected my life to this day even though it is over, it has left negative residual impact. I’m generally a very cheery person, loving, kind and still am but have been left feeling cheated of so much!

I have always worked but never had a real career due to the cycle of abuse & control, if some of you do not understand it is viscous, conniving, manipulation, isolation, confusion, etc, etc. The controlling individual keeps you from truly thriving as a person without you really realizing it because you are so busy raising your family, working, and trying to keep it all together while constantly trying to keep the “Controller” happy. You lose yourself and forget your desires because they keep you consistently confused, so you are trying to figure out what went wrong and how to fix it. They also blame you for everything that goes wrong including their own bad choices! It was a living nightmare! I always did my best to keep my children safe and they really did not know or understand what was happening because most of it was hidden from them. They witnessed their father’s outbursts at times but there was so much more they did not understand while they were little especially because their father was very involved in their lives and behaved like a caring parent to them.

I’m trying to be thorough without taking too much time or space and it is difficult to do! But here it is: I unfortunately ended up remarrying a second time to someone who started off very supportive and healed my shattered heart. He turned out a different kind of nightmare and I recently filed for divorce and we both moved out of the apartment we shared. That was another 8 years of my life! I am currently technically “homeless” but staying with a family member. I have a decent resume with lots of work experience but no one will hire me for certain jobs because I do not have enough experience or a degree. I have often felt hopeless but manage to life my spirits on my own. I try to be positive as much as possible and work on manifesting great things for myself but I feel like it is not working for a few reasons…I don’t have a real passion for a particular job and I don’t have a degree. I love to work and feel independent I’m just not getting hired anywhere significant! I am a creative person but did not have the opportunity to truly develop any creativity and at this point in my life I feel the time quickly ticking!! I’m not in my younger years anymore!!

I’ve prayed, meditated most of my life, thought positively but also suffered immensely and most of my life I’ve known hardship. I’ve soul searched, been open minded, sought spiritual help, received shaman healings, I’ve tried many ways to better myself and yet keep being pulled back someway, somehow.

I just want to be an independent, thriving, woman again!