Hello all, and happy 2021! I hope everyone is feeling a sense of hope and renewal in this new year.

I wanted to post another update about this story of a broken relationship that has taken me months to process. I am still finding myself thinking about my ex friend often. Usually it’s with a lot of sadness that things ended up the way they did. Since I last wrote I noticed this friend has blocked me on all social media. It feels very petty and immature, as I have no hate for her and only want the best for her. Also, we have been friends for decades and I’m friends on social media with people I barely know. I guess I had thought we could at least stay friends online and know that the other is doing well. I haven’t had contact with my friend since the emails right after thanksgiving and have not done anything that would warrant being blocked altogether. So that was a bit upsetting as she seems to want to cut out any and all contact from me.

But something that gave me comfort and I wanted to share for anyone who may be struggling to let go of a bad relationship is this…I had an epiphany last night. I envisioned how I would feel if I had the opportunity to have this ex-friend over to my house for a weekend, or even for dinner. Would I be excited to spend time with her? Would I be comfortable having her near my husband and daughter, or would I be nervous, walking on eggshells, worried about her causing drama? The thought of having her visit gave me a huge pit in my stomach. I know my husband is not a fan, she has never made the effort to get to know my daughter who is almost 4 years old. And I considered this woman one of my “best friends”. She has not been a best friend, she has not even been a “good” friend. She has actually been a very bad friend for a very long time and has caused me more stress than joy. Once I came to this realization, that I would not even want her in my house, I was able to let go. I don’t hate her, I wish her well, but I don’t want to even keep up in a superficial way with her. I actually DO want her out of my life and away from my family because she doesn’t make me feel safe.

So for any one who is struggling to let go of a toxic person, ask yourself…would you be ok spending a whole weekend with them in your house? Does that thought make you excited or stressed? That gives you the answer if it’s worth working things out or not.

Thank you Anita!!

Happy 2021 to you as well! I feel so at peace with this now, it’s incredible. That simple mental scenario gave me such clarity. I do hope others read it and give it a try, it gave me the answers that I was searching for. I really appreciate you talking me through it as well. I don’t think I could have processed this fully without our conversation. It brought up a lot of stuff for me about my mom that I had to go through again in order to fully see the picture here. You’re a wonderful person for all the hep you give to people on this site.

Sincerely,

NYC Artist